Well Shod, Well Imformed

THE MASTERFUL MICHETTI!

If the Despotic Queen can be relied on for anything it’s her jerky publishing schedule.

I was going to publish a review of Daniele Michetti’s A/W 10/11 collection in it’s entirety but Imelda felt his men’s collection needed to be Imeldafied in a separate post. Plus, it’s given Yum Yum enough time to hose out my petty pants.

It’s no secret that HRH favours women’s footwear over men’s footwear but with designers like the Russian Love Machine (aka Max Kibardin) and now Daniele Michetti slowly moving into (and cornering) the men’s market, I’m beginning to question if my preferential modus operandi isn’t in need of a massive adjustment.

As Imelda reported, for the past 5 seasons Michetti has been working with Stefano Pilati, designing men’s accessories (for Yves Saint Laurent). And coupled with his work for Moncler Accessori, Alberto Fasciani, Raparo and most recently, his appointment to Sergio Rossi, suggested this collection was going to be one of the most electrifying debuts in men’s footwear history.

And thankfully Michetti hasn’t left Imelda’s tits of tyranny hanging in the wind.

Michetti’s A/W 10/11 collection is impeccable and commercial but most importantly it’s covetous, highly covetous.

When I saw how precise his stitch work was Imelda’s touchstone of tyranny throbbed so hard it almost broke free of her re-enforced titanium lined pantalettes. The level of detail in this collection belies Michetti’s tender age (33) and oozes the charm of an old world master artisan.

You need to make like a red neck Christian and frenetically prostrate yourself before the Shoe Gods that Daniele Michetti has arrived to deliver your manz from mediocrity.

Imelda says, everything from his silhouettes, choice of leathers, colour palette, the crepe midsoles right down to the stitching (I know but pleeease, it’s AMAZING) is perfection.

IT'S IN THE SHOES

After days of aimlessly wandering around the P.O.D, last night Imelda decided it was time to shrug off her coat of melancholy and indulge in a little fun.

Unfortunately Yum Yum wasn’t up to playing Se7en so we agreed that we’d play Saw – which is both an inferior movie and parlour game.

Chaining Yum Yum to a grotty toilet and watching her hack off her foot should have lifted the Despotic Queen’s sprits but alas, I still find my disposition more disagreeable than normal.

When you consider how I’ve fled the marauding masses only then to spend the next 20 years being harangued for alleged criminal activities, you would imagine the Despotic Queen would be on friendlier terms with change. Not so.

And for the third time in 3 years the P.O.D is again relocating to another undisclosed location. Imelda will try and maintain some semblance of order and consistency but there may be a few extended periods of nothing!

So after our less than satisfactory game of Saw, Yum Yum took to mother’s crunchy trotters with the chicken fat and soldering iron. While she scraped away the dead skin I started sorting through my inbox when I came across an email from Daniele Michetti.

Michetti, you may recall, is the current crown prince of the Italian footwear industry and winner of the prestigious Vogue Italia’s ‘Who Is On Next?’ award.

Several weeks ago the handsome Italian emailed Imelda the exclusive preview of his A/W 10/11 collection. How this was missed remains a mystery but like most of Imelda’s professional shortcomings, it’s best to ignore them and push on!

Michetti revealed his A/W 10/11 collection is titled ‘It’s in the Shoes’ and part explained his inspiration with this esoteric statement, ‘The new essence is in the being. The new being is in the new man and the new woman. The new man and the new woman wear forms that, as if by magic, emerge from primordial inspiration’

Imelda’s no slouch when it comes to the esoteric but alas in such a fragile state, unless it’s monosyllabic gibberish, then it is simply too much for me to digest at the moment.

Keeping it light ‘n breezy, I asked now that he was onto his second collection if he'd started to define the Michetti women. “The Michetti woman” he replied are “hyper-modern geishas, metropolitan warriors, bon-ton Maya priestesses, post-modern Mary Poppinses, self-service Cinderella’s and sci-fi mermaids who abandon their mythical tail to stand tall in improbable armour with magnetic attraction’

‘Wow’ I thought ‘I’m not ready for this. Let’s just look at the shoes’

GET GAGA ON DA TELEPHONE, WE HAVE A SHOE-MERGENCY!

Imelda’s all lubed-up (not to mention het-up) and ready to give Lady Gaga’s squirt kitty a once-over (Vinegar Tits style), for the lack of directional, heart stopping, touchstone of tyranny tinglin’ footwear sported in her (highly anticipated) video clip, ‘Telephone’.

What started out as a promising affair, rapidly spirals into a glossy cluster fuck of footwear mediocrity, complete with gristle-faced prison hos (ala David LaChapelle) and more product placement than a episode of Gossip Girl!

If you’re interested, here’s the dreary slop Gaga severed up!

IT'S HIP TO BE SQUARE, SAYS MIU MIU

It’s been a long time since Miuccia Prada tweaked my touchstone of tyranny, but this morning as she closed Paris Fashion Week, that’s exactly what happened.

Scratching around for my smellin’ salts, HRH was so transfixed by Prada’s exquisite collection of metal capped square toe loafer-vamp pumps that my tittaes (of tyranny) were suddenly rock hard with excitement - and that hasn’t happened since George Hamilton and I…maybe for another post.

The Miu Miu colour palette was a mix of simple tones including powder blue, taupe and black with cream accents, which were almost secondary to metal overlays and trims.

Prada trimmed her Mary Quant silhouettes and the heart-shaped apron style spats with floral appliqués and squared bows cast from silver, which provided an interesting juxtaposition to the delicate square stiletto heel used.

Any Imeldette who needed confirmation the square is officially THE TOE SHAPE for A/W 10/11, look no further.  As Miuccia Prada declares, its hip to be square.

ALEXANDER MCQUEEN – THE LAST EMPEROR

Marking the end of the official mourning period for the late Lee McQueen, this morning’s sombre presentation of the British designer’s final collection did nothing to assuage the Despotic Queen’s grief.

At the time of Lee’s passing, Imelda, prone to hysterics, decided that bemoaning on the information super highway was counter productive, thus I choose celebrate the designer’s life with a retrospective of his past 14 collections…then I made like Oprah and ate through the grief.

And because denigrating McQueen’s passing with my diabolical ramblings wasn’t necessary, Imelda wasn’t able to draw your attention to the astounding revelation that in 14 seasons, McQueen only once blighted his good name by sending flat shoes down the runway…ONLY ONCE!

This demonstrates that McQueen and HRH the Despotic Queen of Shoes were united by their mutual abhorrence (and physical repulsion) of flat shoes and like the maestro, Andre Perugia, Lee’s spirit will live on forever with those designers who know there are women (like Imelda, Victoria Beckham and Daphne Guinness) who would rather eat a bucket of warm foetal matter than ever wear flat shoes.

With his last breath, McQueen again demonstrated his genius with a considered collection of gilded platforms, which contrary to earlier reports were not as extreme as his previous two collections.

Nonetheless, his final collection of mocc spat ankle boots, thigh high boots double strapped above the knee, and beaded ankle cuffs will be a lasting tribute and hugely successful with consumers who want to own a little piece of the fallen star.