BLOGGING BEAUTY FINGERED IN DRUG SCANDAL

The Despotic Queen has just learnt that Melbourne based blogger Lady Melbourne has become embroiled in an Australasian blogging scandal.

In a report sighted by HRH, Melbourne has been fingered by Singaporean Blogging authorities for her un-ladylike behaviour at the recent Nuff Nang Asian Pacific Blogging Awards.

According to several unconfirmed reports Melbourne was sighted purchasing hard liquor from a Singaporean 7/11 prior to the awards ceremony (which due to the attendance of several underage bloggers was a 'DRY' event). Melbourne, a notorious cyber drunk is regularly photographed getting her Liza-on, but it’s the photograph (below) of the blogger ingesting a questionable ecstasy-like tablet that has sparked the investigation.

The news couldn’t have come at worse time for the chaste cyber beauty who was in Singapore collecting a (Nuff Nang) award for Best Fashion Blogger.

When contacted for a comment the a spokesperson for the Singaporean Blogging High Commission informed the Despotic Queen, “that the matter is under review”

The evening’s events remain unclear but what is known is that at some point Melbourne was admitted into a ‘clinic’. Alarming photographs obtained by Imelda reveal Melbourne (with shadowy ‘travel companion’ Lois Lane) slumped in a wheelchair awaiting medical attention. In other photographs Melbourne is seen self-administering a suspicious substance, orally. While in additional images, the blogger is surrounded by a cacophony of drug paraphernalia including syringes, intravenous drips and fame whoring hangers-on.

The information super highway is buzzing with surreptitious whispers that Melbourne’s Amy Winehouse-esque behaviour could see the blogger stripped of her award.

Imelda has learnt that the ‘incident’ has been bought to the attention of Australian blogging grand poo bah Darren Rowse (Problogger). Several days ago Rowse took to his Twitter account and tweeted, “Just reading about the Nuff Nang awards”.

That the allegations have reached Rowse should be a cause for concern (for Melbourne) as it suggests the matter may be referred before the Australian blogging high commission. If found guilty of behaviour unbecoming of her cyber alter ego, Melbourne could be stripped of her award and sentenced to 12 months of dial up broadband.

When contacted (by Imelda) a barely coherent Melbourne gargled “bitch, shut the f**k up before I throw my drink over you”Talking exclusively (to Imelda) Melbourne’s mother (known as Mother Melbourne) revealed she was ‘unnerved’ by her beautiful daughter’s behaviour.

Mother Melbourne also revealed that her daughter had made the acquaintance of several “creepy leathery Americans” while she was poolside at the Ritz Carlton. When questioned if these ‘leathery Americans’ were responsible for her daughter’s Pat Pong Road nails (pictured below) the steely Mother Melbourne broke down in tears.

“I can’t explain any of it” she sobbed, “I bought her up to be Lady Melbourne not (infamous drug mule, author and bogan beautician) Shappelle Corby”

While Melbourne’s behaviour (and nail work) is a chilling reminder of the dark side of cyber fame, other bloggers have suggested it’s all a publicity stunt.

Speaking off the record another high profile blogger (also in Singapore for the Nuff Nang Awards) speculated Melbourne could be “angling for some kinda Ralph/FHM deal” and that the leathery Americans are “well-known smut peddlers from the Girls Gone Wild franchise’ who were in Singapore to cast a spin-off series, ‘Girls Gone Web Wild’.

With the outcome of the Singaporean investigation weeks away, Imelda’s sources have confirmed Melbourne’s benefactor ‘His Lordship’ is mounting a counter offensive.

Sources close to Melbourne’s moneyed amour have conceded ‘His Lordship’ is ‘furious’ that Melbourne’s reputation could be tarnished by the allegations and is said to have convened a beachside ‘war council’ over the weekend that included a number of high flying Public Relations Executives.

Story still breaking…

Comments

[Imelda Matt]

To my very good friend, Lady Melbourne. The Despotic Queen wishes you her most despotic well wishes and congratulations on winning the Nufy Best Fashion Blogger Award. You have (finally) been IMELDAFIED. xxxx

[Megan Aney]

hahahahahaha soooo good. those leathery americans and their acyclic nail behavior. sheesh.

[Jason]

wow - quite appalling!

[Lady Melbourne]

Dearest Imelda,
If it weren't for the gin infused tea you send across the border I'd have the maids onto you with my hoard of tazers I purchased from you last year in our illegal arms deal off the coast of Costa Rica.

Goddamned equator region, I got tanned in that incident, TANNED!!!!

*sobs into tea*
*phones the herald to tip them off*

[K-Line]

This is utterly hilarious.

[Velveteen]

I DIE.

www.velveteenlibertine.com

[Angela See, Angela Blog]

BAHAHHAHAHHAHAHHAHHHAHAHAHAHHHAHHAHHAHHHHA

I don't know what's funnier, your story or LM's comment. AHHH I love you guys!

XXASAB

[jennine]

love it... you guys look like you're having so much fun!

and what a venue!
it reminds me of damien hirst's 'pharmacy' in london in the late 90's they served frozen vodka in test tubes....

i would go out of control with those wheelchairs!

[Rebecca]

lol

[fashionherald]

I rise from the ashes of maternity leave/baby universe to read this, god bless you, Imelda!

[Miss Glitzy]

Love you guys! This story makes my day!!!

[Vintage Verve]

New. Best. Post. Ever.

[SwanDiamondRose]

oh god. this is beautiful. i can only hope that one day i do something horrible and you write about it. and make me... a star.

this blog entry needs its own website.

but i don't think she is in a "clinic", she's obviously just getting a pedicure, those gold wheelchairs are the chicest in haute pedi service. Larry Flynt has one just like it.

[SwanDiamondRose]

@jennine. is that what that Pharmacy thing was? i could never figure out where the **** i was that night.

[Prêt-à-Porter P]

LOL!!!

[Amplified]

yeah , great blog