I'VE CAUGHT A NASTY CASE OF STOCKHOLM SYNDROME

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Even after Yum Yum’s full-silkwood scrub, the odious stench of democracy still lingers (like a Cranberry) on the royal personage. I’ve barked orders for everything that was touched during yesterday’s campaign to be taken down to the Krupp and burnt, everything bar Yum Yum!

Ready to get back in the game, I've got my petty pants on and I'm ready to start the shoe talk. Besides, I’ve always thought a woman who wears fatigues is suggesting to the world that she favours certain unsavoury (nah unspeakable) lifestyle choices.

And my-oh-my, aren’t these the shoes Imelda needs to be talkin’ about!

These extraordinary creations were scouted for the Despotic Queen by my eye-on-Europe, Sonny (you will be tasered for omitting such important details…like a name) Vandevelde.

Obviously I can’t offer a lot of information on the designer (yet), other than Sonny's confirmation of his/her ethnicity – Japanese.

Vandevelde spotted the shoes while he was backstage shooting the final year collections at the Beckmans College of Design in Stockholm. Knowing what lifts Imelda’s skirts he despatched word immediately.

The collection exudes a complexity normally seen in Rick Owens’ oft-underappreciated approach to footwear design and I’m been marvelling that the heel on the ankle boots (above) resembles a pre-historic snaggle tooth. However, what really caught mien despotic eye were the two exo-skeleton designs.

I don’t imagine these webbed organism-like feats of engineering are functional (since neither model is holding a pair), it’s more probable these two designs are a conceptual offering whereby the designer is exploring a raw organic aesthetic. But whoever you are you now have the Despotic Queen of Shoes’ FULL ATTENTION – and I'm on the HUNT.