Well Shod, Well Imformed

THE PRIDE OF PARIS - PART DEUX

RAF SIMONS

COMME DES GARCON

MARTIN MARGIELA

ANN DEMEULEMEESTER

DRIES VAN NOTEN

BUBBLE, BUBBLE, BOIL & TROUBLE

Squeezing back inside the Paris Fashion bubble is proving more difficult than I anticipated. I've been unnecessarily weighed down with distractions (like running a covert International human trafficking business) and they've proven most hazardous to my blogging schedule - and of course the post Mardi Gras recovery hasn’t helped. No,no,no…that last statement isn’t open to interpretation - Imelda hasn’t done rufies since the cloak check at 54 switched Liza’s purse for mine.

Yesterday I called to order the unholy triumvirate (aka Despotic Frocks Take On™) and we’ve agreed to reconvene our Coven it Live extravaganza for a dis-cussion of A/W 09/10. Start noting down your pithy observations…time and date to follow.

Now that I have an impending date with my beloved Imeldette’s, I’m starting to squirrel away all my good material instead of dropping it here. But fear not, batten down your petty pants because if we’re to talk shoes I want you to have seen ‘em all…so without further 'gobble-gobble' from this old boiler…here’s the last 3 days (working from today back) of Paris Fashions.

VIKTOR & ROLF

GIAMBATTISTA VALLI

STELLA MACARTNEY

SONIA RYKIEL

DRIES VAN NOTEN

COMME DES GARCONS

ANN DEMEULEMEESTER

ISSEY MIYAKE

MAISON MARTIN MARGIELA

LANVIN

THE LOST BOYS

Long overdue, my highlights from the last two days of the Paris Menswear collections.

Imelda's sorry to blog and run but the collections landed smack-bang in the middle of my prep for my first editorial shoot as the new Footwear Editor of Karen Magazine. I tried my best to force the event organizers to shift the collections to a time more suitable to the Despotic Queen, but the mules were impervious to my threats and saber waving - it seems these days not everyone fears yellow cake.

In lieu of a witty discourse on the key trends for A/W 09/10, I’ve dumped a bunch of images into this post (in my sordid world of greed, corruption and human sex trafficking, quantity is preferable to quality) and like about half a dozen other things, have book marked men’s footwear as a 'must revisit' (which won’t happen)…so enjoy the shoes.

ANN DEMEULEMEESTER

PAUL SMITH

GIVENCHY

GARETH PUGH

LANVIN

RICK OWENS

IMELDA'S ALL TIED UP

It’s Friday so that means it’s time that we take a bow peep at another SS09 footwear trend. This morning the Despotic Queen took to ‘Twitter’ to ask the masses what SS09 trend they’d like to know more about (look at me being all inclusive) and the lovely Shelby Marie from P!NK suggested moccasins (clutches pearls). Instead of slamming her fingers in the car door for typing such suggestions, I explained moccasins were covered last winter (look at me being nice) and we’d be looking at lacing.

Now the SS09 parades are a distant memory (is it wrong that I’m chomping at the bit for the AW10 collections?) I (foolishly) anticipated this would be a 15 / 20 pic micro trend. WRONG! I was forced to stop at 37 (known designers) who have used lacing, but I know of another 10 more.

Scroll down and you’ll see Designers have used everything from thick rope (Hardy), ribboning (Gaultier) and delicate leather thonging (Steiger). The styling is varied, Camilla Skovgaard used corset styling lacing to trim her heel counters, while at Manish Arora, Raphael Young used thick strapping that laced aggressively up the leg. Ann Demeulmeester and Doo.R’s fetish inspired sandals have the most skirt-lifting appeal, while at Vuitton it looks like Marc Jacobs got busy with a hot glue gun and the contents of Imelda’s drag bag.

Should my beloved Imeldettes be bullish enough to give this trend a crack then heed Mother’s advise - unless you’ve been blessed (like Imelda) with the bone structure of a sparrow don’t tie anything thicker than dental floss around your ankle. Trust me, your ankle isn’t a Christmas ham so there’s no need to truss it like one.

DESPOTS ON THE RUN...

With the arrest of Radovan Karadzic, Imelda’s phone has been running hot all week. All my boys (Robert, George, Fidel) have been phoning in seeking The Despot’s counsel. “What if the Argentineans won’t take us? What will the folks at the country club think if I’m impeached?” blah, blah, blah - it’s always the same questions.

The despotic Queens advise - get good PR representation. Look at Putin, in 8 years he’s managed to turn Russia into a pseudo communist state, clamp down on freedom of the press, obliterate free enterprise (again) and with a flash of his manly barrel chest he can liberate middle aged Muscovite women of their petty pants. That’s good PR.

Only this morning, Kim Jong-ill was whining down the phone, “Imelda I don’t think the women of North Korea want to see me topless’”. “Kim, I don’t think there’s a woman in our solar system that would care to lay her eyes on your dumpling-like body. Man up! Get yourself to the gym and lose those louche cha cha platform heels. What’s that playing in the background? Are you watching High School Musical 2 again???”

I digress. My beloved late husband and I were moderate despots who subscribed to a more moderate train of thought that taught the best way to suppress the will of the people is via crippling your country economically. All this is outlined in my case study ‘Wallstreet: Another drunk slut bound for rehab - how Dubya crippled the United States’, which can be found in chapter 3 of Imelda’s Guide to Good Despoting (which can be purchased from all bookstores of ill repute).

In this, the autumn of my life (and with so much money to spend) Imelda has no time for extremists that tarnish the reputations of other well-behaved despots (and please let’s not get me started on his unpalatable crimes against fashion). Even in exile I was able to maintain my commitment to stomach churning opulence.

Before I have Yum Yum switch off the phones here’s my last piece of advise for despots on the run - you can’t flee from the marauding masses with a suitcase full of jewellery and US government bonds in heels…before you make your exit, invest in a pair of chic flats with good traction and only change into your heels for the photo-op!

This is just a sample of what's currently on offer, there are so many similar looking styles that my eye's started to boggle at the same-sameness of them all.