With the arrest of Radovan Karadzic, Imelda’s phone has been running hot all week. All my boys (Robert, George, Fidel) have been phoning in seeking The Despot’s counsel. “What if the Argentineans won’t take us? What will the folks at the country club think if I’m impeached?” blah, blah, blah - it’s always the same questions.
The despotic Queens advise - get good PR representation. Look at Putin, in 8 years he’s managed to turn Russia into a pseudo communist state, clamp down on freedom of the press, obliterate free enterprise (again) and with a flash of his manly barrel chest he can liberate middle aged Muscovite women of their petty pants. That’s good PR.
Only this morning, Kim Jong-ill was whining down the phone, “Imelda I don’t think the women of North Korea want to see me topless’”. “Kim, I don’t think there’s a woman in our solar system that would care to lay her eyes on your dumpling-like body. Man up! Get yourself to the gym and lose those louche cha cha platform heels. What’s that playing in the background? Are you watching High School Musical 2 again???”
I digress. My beloved late husband and I were moderate despots who subscribed to a more moderate train of thought that taught the best way to suppress the will of the people is via crippling your country economically. All this is outlined in my case study ‘Wallstreet: Another drunk slut bound for rehab - how Dubya crippled the United States’, which can be found in chapter 3 of Imelda’s Guide to Good Despoting (which can be purchased from all bookstores of ill repute).
In this, the autumn of my life (and with so much money to spend) Imelda has no time for extremists that tarnish the reputations of other well-behaved despots (and please let’s not get me started on his unpalatable crimes against fashion). Even in exile I was able to maintain my commitment to stomach churning opulence.
Before I have Yum Yum switch off the phones here’s my last piece of advise for despots on the run - you can’t flee from the marauding masses with a suitcase full of jewellery and US government bonds in heels…before you make your exit, invest in a pair of chic flats with good traction and only change into your heels for the photo-op!

This is just a sample of what's currently on offer, there are so many similar looking styles that my eye's started to boggle at the same-sameness of them all.