Corporate business and fashion aren't that dissimilar…to stay ahead of the game neither are adverse to eating their young (side note - for additional references please google Anna Wintour and Hillary Clinton).
When a quick search on iqons turned up a German company that specialises in handmade spats I thought HELLO! “Mary-Kate and Ashley sweet bread anyone?”
My gastronomic glee turned sour when I met MAIDE'S owner and designer Yvonne. She was quick to inform me that as a vegan she neither consumes nor uses materials that are derivatives of animals “I don't create with leather, silk and wool” she said, and I'd flown all this way…that's just plain cruel! I reasoned that logging old growth forests wasn't going to rate so highly either so, 'no talkie, no trouble'.
What attracted me to Yvonne's spats was the delicate antique laces, needlework and appliqué which she revealed had been “collected from 1900-1930”. Delightfully nostalgic, her creations are influenced by her favourite artists - Alones Mucha, Ralph Kirchner, Carl Larrson and Klimt. Flicking through her catalogue I sensed that these are the 'gay' spats one would wear to the 'Easter Day Parade'.
Yvonne went on to explain “I make all my spats with awe, humbleness and a sense of delight. This..... I think... is the difference you can feel between clothing you buy in a big fashion store and fashion that is uniquely handmade”.
MAIDE spats evoke the memory of an era when the 'ornamental sex' swooned, took mid afternoon naps and ate cucumber sandwiches like a bird. I'm a modern despot who can fit both a taser and a chainsaw in my Birkin - I'm not looking for a gentleman caller who'll carry me over a puddle so my spats won't get dirty…or am I? I placed an order and made a mental note to lose weight, just in case!
If I wanted to serve Miley Cyrus stew this winter then there was only one woman I could turn to - Muccia.
Footwear design is going through a renaissance - fact! Leading the renaissance is Muccia Prada. She has been redefining footwear for the last few seasons so I ask; does this come from a diet of soy crackers?
The genius of the spat is that it's interchangeable, but Prada have built the spat / gaiter into the shoe. Before I even reach for Julia, the Prada spat flicks up a series of crushing sartorial questions - tights, no tights, slacks or skirts?...ahhhh despite the covetous gold ankle cuff, I had to keep on truckin'.
The Government was starting to sniff around the 'women who log' development fund and the nellies at Gunns were getting nervous. Really! I could teach these corporate fat cats a thing or two about moving money offshore. Not wanting to be embroiled in another protracted court case I needed those spats and I needed them NOW!
In moments of extreme need the little Baby Jesus in his Christmas crib rocks in the most mysterious ways. Trawling through myspace (iqons could not be trusted again) I was momentarily distracted by a photograph of fierce 'Hollywood nails'. Hmmm, I'd made certain my private nail technician 'Yum-Yum', didn't have access to my computer so who was pimping these ferocious nails?
Click, click - POSSO the SPAT! HELLO! Jesus loves a winner and I was about to come in first place!
POSSO 'had-it-all' - spats and gaiters made from a variety of skins including gator, metallic leather and patent. With style names like 'The Preacher' and 'The Prophet' surely this was divine intervention!
POSSO hails from the one place in the world were consumption of the young is mandatory - L.A. Friends Marylouise Pels and Vanessa Giovacchini started the brand a year ago “because we had had the idea to do a line of spats for a few years and after seeing the direction fashion was going, we said we have to do this 'now or never', so we did it! We are always looking for interesting new accessories and items and loved how spats really changed up a look. It was a necessary fashion evolution”. Imelda couldn't have said it better!
POSSO had saved the day! I crammed one of everything in my steamer truck and instructed pilot to fly direct to Tasmania! With 17 hours to kill I gave Julia a polish, started work on my seating arrangements and pondered how many shish kebabs the Jonas Brothers would make!
Once the safety officer cleared my gaiters, Robin and I trekked back to my beloved. In the cool of the forest and standing face-to-face with 400 years of history, I crumbled. I was part of the problem (which was news, because until then I wasn't aware that there was a problem) not the solution. Whilst El Diablo was a fantastic dance partner, after 70 years I needed a change.
Foi grais for 30 it would have to be!
Looking forlorn I picked up Julia, I studied her glistening teeth and thought change is best left for spring! VROOM, VROOM…..
