Raphael Young S/S 10 / Special Order Only
Needless
to say, Yum Yum and Jesusa-Rizalina are scrapping over Imelda’s soiled petty
pants.
The
Despotic Queen suggests you make haste (to Young’s website) and place your
order on these nipple-firming delights, before it’s too late.
When word first reached the Despotic Queen’s ears that
former Imelda’s Designer of the Year, Camilla Skovgaard was due to embark on
her first pilgrimage (to the Palace of Despotism), I ordered Yum Yum to
slaughter 100 unicorns to ensure the Danes' safe passage through the
Underworld.
The
amount of preparation that went into organising a meeting between one of the
21st Century’s most significant footwear designers and Regina Despotica was
epic. In addition to massacring unicorns, Yum Yum starched Imelda’s weaves with
‘tears of bitterness’, procured from the tear-stained cheeks of lonely,
middle-aged fag-hags and offered up nightly prayers before an effigy of Mary
Kaye, my Patron Saint of Beauty.
However,
it would be crass to publicly reveal what was essentially a private spiritual
concave between the Deity of Despotism and the Great Dane. Suffice to say, that
on both occasions, the Gods of Footwear were so elated with our long overdue
coupling that the heavens opened and they showered us with their tears of joy.
I
will note that in the flesh, Skovgaard is so exquisite (and pin-tastic) that had
Imelda been 40 years younger, it’s highly probable that I would have tapped
into my latent lesbian proclivities and roofie’d Skovgaard into in lewd and
ungodly acts.
Thankfully
the sweet baby Jesus in his Christmas crib steeled us both with Christian
fortitude and the conversation centred on Skovgaard's impending A/W 10/11
collection.
Camilla
had flown via China where she’d spend the last two weeks of January finalizing
her collection, so naturally she was eager to tickle Imelda’s squirt-kitty with
a sneak peek.
To
suggest the excitement was palpable would grossly underestimate the
magnitude of the occasion, Imelda’s touchstone of tyranny was pounding
uncontrollably, so much so that I’d already taken leave of my womanly
senses, twice! Thankfully Yum Yum had strapped me into a pair of industrial
strength Depends!
While
we stopped briefly to talk about components and fabrication for the
most part, Imelda sat silently while Skovgaard hammered Imelda’s (buggin’)
eyeballs with a collection that I can best described as, career defining.
As
ya’ll know, Skovgaard has the dubious honour of being one of the world's most
knocked-off independent footwear designers and with this in mind, I’m limiting
this EXCLUSIVE preview to the 6 styles that I feel best represent Skovgaard's
A/W 10/11 vision.
One
of those 6 styles we previewed in yesterday’s post titled ‘Building
Bridges’. The title of the post was both metaphoric (after a prolonged
absence, HRH is seeking to reconnect with my beloved Imeldettes) and literal
(the style is called Bridge Wedge) and is an extraordinary marriage of
Skovgaard’s dark sadomasochist themes (present in every collection) and a
dramatic shift towards more architectural Japanese inspired design.
Skovgaard
has re-introduced her trademark ‘SAW’ sole (now renamed CLAW-CUT) which, Imelda
suspects, will please those bug-eyed Australian mid-market brands (YES! I’m
talking to chu, Tony Bianco! Just because I haven’t blogged it, doesn’t mean I
haven’t seen it…and I notice you’re too ashamed to post it on your
website…classy move, douche bags!)
To be continued...
I’m
not about to get all up in your grills with mah personal shiz but I do feel compelled to acknowledge the shady reportage around these parts.
In
return for your continued patience here’s a sneak peek of tomorrows A/W 10/11 WORLD
EXCLUSIVE from your former Designer of the Year, Camilla Skovgaard.
I
was going to publish a review of Daniele Michetti’s A/W 10/11 collection in
it’s entirety but Imelda felt his men’s collection needed to be Imeldafied in a
separate post. Plus, it’s given Yum Yum enough time to hose out my petty pants.
It’s
no secret that HRH favours women’s footwear over men’s footwear but with
designers like the Russian Love Machine (aka Max Kibardin) and now Daniele
Michetti slowly moving into (and cornering) the men’s market, I’m beginning to
question if my preferential modus operandi isn’t in
need of a massive adjustment.
As Imelda reported, for the past
5 seasons Michetti has been working with Stefano
Pilati, designing men’s accessories (for Yves Saint Laurent). And coupled with
his work for Moncler Accessori, Alberto Fasciani, Raparo and most recently, his
appointment to Sergio Rossi, suggested this collection was going to be one of
the most electrifying debuts in men’s footwear history.
And
thankfully Michetti hasn’t left Imelda’s tits of tyranny hanging in the wind.
Michetti’s
A/W 10/11 collection is impeccable and commercial but most importantly it’s
covetous, highly covetous.
You
need to make like a red neck Christian and frenetically prostrate yourself
before the Shoe Gods that Daniele Michetti has arrived to deliver your manz
from mediocrity.
Imelda
says, everything from his silhouettes, choice of leathers, colour palette, the
crepe midsoles right down to the stitching (I know but pleeease, it’s AMAZING)
is perfection.
After
days of aimlessly wandering around the P.O.D, last night Imelda decided it was
time to shrug off her coat of melancholy and indulge in a little fun.
Unfortunately
Yum Yum wasn’t up to playing Se7en so we agreed that we’d play Saw – which is
both an inferior movie and parlour game.
Chaining
Yum Yum to a grotty toilet and watching her hack off her foot should have
lifted the Despotic Queen’s sprits but alas, I still find my disposition more
disagreeable than normal.
When
you consider how I’ve fled the marauding masses only then to spend the next 20
years being harangued for alleged criminal activities, you would imagine the
Despotic Queen would be on friendlier terms with change. Not so.
And
for the third time in 3 years the P.O.D is again relocating to another
undisclosed location. Imelda will try and maintain some semblance of order and consistency
but there may be a few extended periods of nothing!
So
after our less than satisfactory game of Saw, Yum Yum took to mother’s crunchy
trotters with the chicken fat and soldering iron. While she scraped away the
dead skin I started sorting through my inbox when I came across an email from
Daniele Michetti.
Michetti,
you may recall, is the current crown prince of the Italian footwear industry
and winner of the prestigious Vogue Italia’s ‘Who Is On Next?’ award.
Several
weeks ago the handsome Italian emailed Imelda the exclusive preview of his A/W
10/11 collection. How this was missed remains a mystery but like most of
Imelda’s professional shortcomings, it’s best to ignore them and push on!
Michetti
revealed his A/W 10/11 collection is titled ‘It’s in the Shoes’ and part
explained his inspiration with this esoteric statement, ‘The new essence is in
the being. The new being is in the new man and the new woman. The new man and
the new woman wear forms that, as if by magic, emerge from primordial
inspiration’
Imelda’s
no slouch when it comes to the esoteric but alas in such a fragile state, unless
it’s monosyllabic gibberish, then it is simply too much for me to digest at the
moment.
Keeping
it light ‘n breezy, I asked now that he was onto his second collection if he'd started to define the Michetti women. “The Michetti woman” he
replied are “hyper-modern geishas, metropolitan warriors, bon-ton Maya
priestesses, post-modern Mary Poppinses, self-service Cinderella’s and sci-fi
mermaids who abandon their mythical tail to stand tall in improbable armour
with magnetic attraction’
‘Wow’
I thought ‘I’m not ready for this. Let’s just look at the shoes’
