Well Shod, Well Imformed

WILD WILD WEST!

There’s no need to bore you with another story about how full Imelda’s dance card has been of late. However, between the jungle of appointments and photo shoots I managed to squeeze in a sneak peak of Nine West’s (Australia) new autumn/winter 09 range.

The morning of my appointment I’d met with Banker to discuss the sorry state of my off shore accounts (even Imelda’s not immune to the global economic meltdown). We reasoned to re invest my holdings in a more stable economic environment like Libya or Iran. Phoning my old friend Colonel "Guide of the First of September Great Revolution of the Socialist People's Libyan Arab Jamahiriya" Gaddafi, I was assured my plundered funds would be safe and laundered to my satisfaction.

We chatted all things coup d'état then discussed our plans for Thanksgiving before I realized I was late for the range preview. Promising to catch up soon I dialed off and raced out the door.

Confused and bewildered by my tardiness, I stumbled into the lobby and was immediately met by the delightful Julia carrying a tray of mini sushi pieces. Eyeing off the chicken teriyaki, I knew word of the Despotic Queen’s dietary requirements had reached the good folk at Nine West. Escorted up to the showroom I exchanged a few pleasantries with Kirrily and Vicki before slipping out of the chinchilla and getting down to business.

It’s always difficult attending a Nine West range preview because 99.9% of the range is sourced from the US, meaning I’ve seen it 6 months ago. But Imelda’s determined to find at least one point of difference in the range and this season it’s hats. Sadly, not big 80’s style picture hats - rather cute fedora’s, cloche’s and mod inspired caps – my beady eye’s even spotted a few outer garments – but that’s best left for another blog. Eager to engage the Despotic Queen in the product, my Nine West lovelies asked if I would care to try on a hat or two. Throwing them a puzzled look I patted my lacquered helmet and moved on to the shoes.

Sauntering around the showroom like Alexis Carrington (Colby / Dexter / Rohan) on hot coals I spotted exactly what I’d been looking for – animal skins and lots of ‘em. Unfortunately, Nine West corporate is handcuffed by a silly code of ethics, so using anything glamorous like baby panda isn’t an option. However the liberal peppering of pony, shearing and reptile styles left the Despotic Queen barking for more.

Of course it wouldn’t be Winter 09 without a highland fling and like most local ranges the use of tartan has sensibly been kept to a bare modicum.

The tan story was deliciously 70’s and the inclusion of the fringed Prada bags (a purse pleasing $159) a highlight. 

Keen to hoe into the sushi platter, I quickly wrapped up proceedings, but not before a suede pump with a demi wedge heel in a delightful recessionary navy colour caught my eye.

Sweeping out the door to whatever appointment was next the lovelies from Nine West thrust a bag of goodies into my talons and bid me adieu.

ZEBRA CROSSING

Imelda’s either ahead of the curve or behind it. I’ve spent this morning exhausting all my leads in search of zebra print shoes and (excluding the horror of the Jessica Simpson collection) all I’ve found are 5 possibilities….

I know that in troubled economic times, by wearing baby zebras on one’s trotters, you’re inviting a gang of mortgage stressed middle class soccer (or is it hockey) moms to razor your face. This isn’t a case of lead by example because, God forbid, my Imeldettes would be razored (I don’t think I could cope with another law suit). It’s simply that I LOVE zebra print shoes, always have and always will – plus by wearing exotic luxury prints, I’m trying to send the underclass a message – ‘be inspired and work harder’.

AUTUMN WINTER 08 REDUX

I am officially nominating myself for Bong Head of the year. Today is Friday and Friday is trend day on Imelda – has been for the last couple of months. You get to see Imelda’s fancy brain at it’s best and it’s one of my favorite posts. But for the last couple of weeks I’ve been under the impression that I’d covered off all the A/W 08 trends. I could talk men’s trends but then that raises Northern / Southern hemisphere issues and I was planning on holding off for another week.

Righto, me thinks to myself, I need to dig deeper and start looking at sub trends. So I sent Yum Yum up to the local news agency to buy me a couple of magazines. On her returns we fire up the bong (Hey! It’s Friday, I’m entitled to relax) and I start flicking - only to immediately realize, nope seen it, blogged it (can you imagine HOW MANY shoes I look at every day), I have nothing to blog about. By this point Yum Yum’s passed out (a one bong wonder that one is) leaving me and the wood nymphs to sort out today’s post.

Aside from being economical the bucket bong is great for inducing those magical ‘moments of clarity’. Of course it took ALL day (and about half an ounce) but it suddenly dawned on me, why don’t I check what I’ve already written. Sure enough even through the pot-addled haze I identified another 3 or 4 major trends that I have yet to cover. But the Despotic Queen is too busy watching Designing Women, so they’ll have to wait until tomorrow. Instead here are the top 5 A/W 08 trends that Imelda's already covered…so far.

CLICK THE LINKS TO READ THE ACTUAL POSTS...IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN THEM ALREADY.

SQUARE PEG IN A ROUND HOLE

POUND OF FLESH

THE MAIN FEATURE...AS IN HEEL

PATCH UP YOUR DIFFERENCES

IMELDA WOULD RATHER BE NAKED IN FUR

DESPOTS ON THE RUN...

With the arrest of Radovan Karadzic, Imelda’s phone has been running hot all week. All my boys (Robert, George, Fidel) have been phoning in seeking The Despot’s counsel. “What if the Argentineans won’t take us? What will the folks at the country club think if I’m impeached?” blah, blah, blah - it’s always the same questions.

The despotic Queens advise - get good PR representation. Look at Putin, in 8 years he’s managed to turn Russia into a pseudo communist state, clamp down on freedom of the press, obliterate free enterprise (again) and with a flash of his manly barrel chest he can liberate middle aged Muscovite women of their petty pants. That’s good PR.

Only this morning, Kim Jong-ill was whining down the phone, “Imelda I don’t think the women of North Korea want to see me topless’”. “Kim, I don’t think there’s a woman in our solar system that would care to lay her eyes on your dumpling-like body. Man up! Get yourself to the gym and lose those louche cha cha platform heels. What’s that playing in the background? Are you watching High School Musical 2 again???”

I digress. My beloved late husband and I were moderate despots who subscribed to a more moderate train of thought that taught the best way to suppress the will of the people is via crippling your country economically. All this is outlined in my case study ‘Wallstreet: Another drunk slut bound for rehab - how Dubya crippled the United States’, which can be found in chapter 3 of Imelda’s Guide to Good Despoting (which can be purchased from all bookstores of ill repute).

In this, the autumn of my life (and with so much money to spend) Imelda has no time for extremists that tarnish the reputations of other well-behaved despots (and please let’s not get me started on his unpalatable crimes against fashion). Even in exile I was able to maintain my commitment to stomach churning opulence.

Before I have Yum Yum switch off the phones here’s my last piece of advise for despots on the run - you can’t flee from the marauding masses with a suitcase full of jewellery and US government bonds in heels…before you make your exit, invest in a pair of chic flats with good traction and only change into your heels for the photo-op!

This is just a sample of what's currently on offer, there are so many similar looking styles that my eye's started to boggle at the same-sameness of them all.

ODD SHOE SHUFFLE!

I promised to fuel the fire that was started by global trend forecasting giant WGSN when they declared that Imelda’s penchant for mis-matched footwear was a key trend for A/W 09/10 (scroll down to read the original post). So here are all the ‘mismatched’ options that I’ve kept concealed from you (lest I be frogmarched onto the slowbus).

Laugh Imelda out of blogsphere if you will but you run the risk of waking one night to find Yum Yum crawling through your window…nail brush in one hand taser in the other!