After the Dior parade I was so haunted by Galliano’s ‘Trilogy of Terror’ heels I headed back to the Ritz and the comfort of my Princess Diana commemorative suite. I stunk of attention grabbing design so I instructed Yum Yum to take everything I’d been wearing to the hotel's incinerator and fix me a scotch with a Quaalude chaser.
'Twas a restless nights sleep for the Despotic Queen, I dreamt that I was the very beautiful and crossed eyed Karen Black and I was set upon by a supernaturally animated Zuni hunting fetish doll that had taken the form of Dior's Venus of Willen heels. Needless to say this morning I was exhausted so I took a hand full of Judy Garland uppers and set off to Balenciaga.
Over the years Nicolas Ghesquiere has lifted Imelda’s skirt more often than my Gyno! So much so that he’s on a first name basis with the Despotic Queen’s crunchy ole petty pants.
Today was no exception as Ghesquiere’s comprehensive vision for the future was both exciting and exhausting. The futuristic, cone heeled, platform leggings left the audience ‘clutching their pearls’, while the absence of any structured toe shape and the resulting over hang left me feeling confused about the puddle I’d made. A toe puff will give a shoe the required amount of shape while hiding all the unsightly lumps and bumps...trust me, no one what's to see Nana's bumps and lumps!
Ghesquiere stitched each boot with the outline of a shoe or his take on the type of shoe we could be wearing post Palin Armageddon. I’m desperate to get my despotic talons on a pair for closer examination. Feel the thickness of the stretch because after all this is SS09 and wearing pull on platform tights doesn't sound 'like 'n summery'.
We’ve all got our favorites and I find it next to impossible to be objective with Balenciaga. Ghesquiere could serve up fecal matter and I’d still spin in such a way that you’d be queuing up to buy it.
After a Balenciaga parade you can walk away knowing that you’ve witnessed a seminal ‘moment’ in modern fashion history. That Ghesquiere is capable of repeating these moments (twice yearly) is an extraordinary testament to his creative genius and the only reason I can forgive him for such lackluster menswear collections. But I will ask wtf was Cole Mohr doing 'walking' one random look?
Jean Paul Gaultier turned the excitement down and the ugly up a notch with his gruesome clog / espadrille hybrid. I hate to say it but the ribbon tied wafer platforms looked more Payless than Paris.
After two seasons of the square toe, Dame Viv has dived into her archives and given us a mini retrospective…not that I minded.
The great Brit updated her 1983 Buffalo Girl collection to give us a slouchy toeless platform boot that’s a direct descendant of the classic (and highly covetous) shoebag pump. Boldly contrasting the cracked yellow leathers with orange strapping, this retrospective is a timely reminder of how brilliant Dame Crazy truly is.
Yesterday wasn’t the first time the gladiator made a reappearence, but it was definitely the first time I’ve seen the strapping woven up the thigh. Equal parts Sedsionary and Anglomania, the platform gladiator will either breath new into this trend or kill it off.
And at Masion Martin Margiela things looked a little hairy....
