Well Shod, Well Imformed

OH NO, I WON’T BACK DOWN!

It’s a new season and those stank-ass lazy fucks from Tony Bianco are neck-deep in swamp of fuckery and knock-offs, again!

Before some sassy-mouthed Imeldette posts a comment along the lines of ‘Imelda, are you really that surprised?’, let me say that I’m not!

Why am I not surprised? Because Bianco is a shit-stain-of-a-brand, bereft of creativity and they (and by they, I mean the douches driving this epic cluster-fuck of a company) continually demonstrate a complete disregard for decent and ethical retailing.

But what does surprise the Despotic Queen is despite being caught in the Today Tonight shit storm of shame; they’ve knocked off ANOTHER signature Camilla Skovgaard shoe.

I’ve gotta wonder how often these moronic knock-off junkies wrap their lips around the communal crack pipe cuz they were only just giving an open-handed bitch slap on national television.

Maybe it’s time for someone at Bianco to man-up and shut this jerk circle down because with every Skovgaard knock off comes another post and eventually all anyone googling Bianco will find is HRH’s posts and that my Imeldettes will eventually eat away at brand equality.

A REFLECTION OF ME - CAMILLA SKOVGAARD REVEALED!

When word first reached the Despotic Queen’s ears that former Imelda’s Designer of the Year, Camilla Skovgaard was due to embark on her first pilgrimage (to the Palace of Despotism), I ordered Yum Yum to slaughter 100 unicorns to ensure the Danes' safe passage through the Underworld.

The amount of preparation that went into organising a meeting between one of the 21st Century’s most significant footwear designers and Regina Despotica was epic. In addition to massacring unicorns, Yum Yum starched Imelda’s weaves with ‘tears of bitterness’, procured from the tear-stained cheeks of lonely, middle-aged fag-hags and offered up nightly prayers before an effigy of Mary Kaye, my Patron Saint of Beauty.

However, it would be crass to publicly reveal what was essentially a private spiritual concave between the Deity of Despotism and the Great Dane. Suffice to say, that on both occasions, the Gods of Footwear were so elated with our long overdue coupling that the heavens opened and they showered us with their tears of joy.

I will note that in the flesh, Skovgaard is so exquisite (and pin-tastic) that had Imelda been 40 years younger, it’s highly probable that I would have tapped into my latent lesbian proclivities and roofie’d Skovgaard into in lewd and ungodly acts.

Thankfully the sweet baby Jesus in his Christmas crib steeled us both with Christian fortitude and the conversation centred on Skovgaard's impending A/W 10/11 collection.

Camilla had flown via China where she’d spend the last two weeks of January finalizing her collection, so naturally she was eager to tickle Imelda’s squirt-kitty with a sneak peek.

To suggest the excitement was palpable would grossly underestimate the magnitude of the occasion, Imelda’s touchstone of tyranny was pounding uncontrollably, so much so that I’d already taken leave of my womanly senses, twice! Thankfully Yum Yum had strapped me into a pair of industrial strength Depends!

While we stopped briefly to talk about components and fabrication for the most part, Imelda sat silently while Skovgaard hammered Imelda’s (buggin’) eyeballs with a collection that I can best described as, career defining.

As ya’ll know, Skovgaard has the dubious honour of being one of the world's most knocked-off independent footwear designers and with this in mind, I’m limiting this EXCLUSIVE preview to the 6 styles that I feel best represent Skovgaard's A/W 10/11 vision.

One of those 6 styles we previewed in yesterday’s post titled ‘Building Bridges’. The title of the post was both metaphoric (after a prolonged absence, HRH is seeking to reconnect with my beloved Imeldettes) and literal (the style is called Bridge Wedge) and is an extraordinary marriage of Skovgaard’s dark sadomasochist themes (present in every collection) and a dramatic shift towards more architectural Japanese inspired design.

Talking exclusively with the Despotic Queen, ELLE magazine's ‘Accessory Designer of the Year’, said this collection is more a ‘reflection of me’. 

Skovgaard has re-introduced her trademark ‘SAW’ sole (now renamed CLAW-CUT) which, Imelda suspects, will please those bug-eyed Australian mid-market brands (YES! I’m talking to chu, Tony Bianco! Just because I haven’t blogged it, doesn’t mean I haven’t seen it…and I notice you’re too ashamed to post it on your website…classy move, douche bags!)

Skovgaard revealed the market has had a positive reaction to her daring new direction. However the designer did concede, “It’s darn hard selling long boots because women’s legs are so different across the globe.” The Dane also revealed that international buyers are approaching both styles (below) cautiously, “Buyers are afraid to buy it (the delicious grey nubuck style), as much they love it, they worry about the fit over the leg,” she said.

Skovgaard disclosed the style in question is one of her personal favorites, "It's only 80mm high so it’ll work for stopping the city."

"Hmmm. It could have been higher,” Imelda muttered under her breath.

While Skovgaard readily admits that buyer feedback is imperative, she made a valid point by claiming, “The one that can pull it off will look hot!” before wisely conceding, “It’s hard to please everyone.” A sentiment shared by HRH!

To be continued...

BUILDING BRIDGES

I’m not about to get all up in your grills with mah personal shiz but I do feel compelled to acknowledge the shady reportage around these parts.

In return for your continued patience here’s a sneak peek of tomorrows A/W 10/11 WORLD EXCLUSIVE from your former Designer of the Year, Camilla Skovgaard.

TEARS, TANTRUMS AND TRIUMPHS!

In breaking news…

MAJOR UPSETS at this year’s BFC Awards with both The Beloved (Nicholas Kirkwood) and The Great Dane (Camilla Skvogaard) leaving the ceremony empty handed.

Mon Dieu...Quelle Horreur!

Kirkwood lost out to Katie Hillier and (what should have been) Skovgaard’s BFC award went to Holly Fulton.

On the upside, Vogue UK tweeted that British Model Karen Elson ‘fell THROUGH the stage’ while presenting (the amazing) Grace Coddington with the Isabella Blow Award for Fashion Creator of the Year.

Stitt Storm or Drunk?

Much to the displeasure of the Despotic Queen, there was neither humiliation nor hilarity this morning at the Australian Fashion Laureate ceremony.

With their bold prints and their long-held commitment to ‘ethical fashion’ this year’s recipients, Brisbane’s Pamela Easton and Lydia Pearson of Easton Pearson (above), truly are great Australian innovators…let’s hope they decide to bring that ‘innovation’ back to next years RAFW!

Congratulations to Pamela and Lydia.

MADDENED BY MADDEN!

It appears Sydney based footwear retailer Wanted Footwear have taken umbrage at the Despotic Queen’s hardline stance on knockoffs.

How does Imelda know this, Monday morning a Wanted employee cancelled her daily Feedburner subscription.

No biggie. Feedburner subscribers come and they go, however, note the humorously ironic reason given.

02: Offensive, strongly disagree or disapprove

Over the past three years I’ve had a number of subscribers 02 me. Normally, it’s in response to something trivial, like the time Yum Yum and I played Abu Ghraib with my Chanel anal beads.

Sure. Yum Yum ended up in hospital with a burnt sphincter (who knew, pepper spray and anal beads weren’t ‘good mates’). But a reason to unsubscribe, I don’t think so.

I guess as stockists of Tony Bianco Footwear and Siren Shoes, Wanted (with their vested financial interest) would find the Despotic Queen’s stance ‘offensive’.

What really has me haute and bothered was yesterday the discovery that the Conde Nast owned Footwear News had crowed US footwear retailer, Steve Madden, as Company of the Year.

I know what you’re all thinking. But gawd damn, I’ve run out of pepper spray.

According to the FN write up ‘Steve Madden is a bulldog in business, and it shows. While many companies struggled to survive in the down economy, Steven Madden Ltd. thrived, barreling ahead with growth initiatives,...’

Desperate to eyeball Madden’s so called ‘growth initiatives’; I gave the company’s web portal a cursory once over.

The yield of knockoffs was bountiful but my tits of terror almost dropped off when I caught sight of ANOTHER effing Camilla Skovgaard knockoff.

“You’ve gotta be shitin’ me!” I cried

The only difference (and its subtle) between the Skovgaard original and the Steve Madden knockoff was the absence of the second topline strap.

US based Imeldettes (or anyone familiar with the brand) shouldn’t be surprised as Steven Madden Ltd have a notorious reputation for copycat behavior, including the reproduction of these two Balenciaga shoes found via NITROLICIOUS.

 However when a reputable publication like FN glorifies a company propagating copycat reproductions, what hope do independent designers have?

Steve Madden Ltd - welcome into Imelda’s Hall of Shame, take a seat next to Tony Bianco Ltd, Imelda’s thinks you’ve got a lot in common.