Imelda’s
all lubed-up (not to mention het-up) and ready to give Lady Gaga’s squirt kitty
a once-over (Vinegar Tits style), for the lack of directional, heart stopping, touchstone
of tyranny tinglin’ footwear sported in her (highly anticipated) video clip,
‘Telephone’.
What
started out as a promising affair, rapidly spirals into a glossy cluster fuck of
footwear mediocrity, complete with gristle-faced prison hos (ala David LaChapelle)
and more product placement than a episode of Gossip Girl!
If
you’re interested, here’s the dreary slop Gaga severed up!
Fuck
me sideways with a rusty chainsaw - is there any other pop music ho dropping a video this
week, coz if there isn't at some point I’d like get back to talkin’ about shoes and not the hos wearing 'em (ok-ok…Imelda’s kinda addicted to the traffic spike)
First
up we had Gaga wearing McQueen in Bad Romance, then Rihanna wearing Rodarte in
Russian Roulette, and now we’ve got Beyonce wearing Alexander McQueen (A/W 09/10), Louboutin
and some unidentifiable Prada wader / suspender boots (which I think might be Stella McCartney A/W 09/10) in the diabolical Video Phone, WHICH also features
HRH Lady Gaga pimpin’ out Louboutin.
Since
I’ve already tainted this unholy place by penning a celebrity post (celebrating
Gaga’s Bad Romance with McQueen), it only seemed fair that RiRi should taste
some of Imelda’s loves, no?
While I’m not disappointed with Rihanna’s decision to wear Rodarte (by Nicholas
Kirkwood) in her new video Russian Roulette, I was surprised that she chose to wear boots from the A/W 09/10 collection.
Sheesh.
I know times are tough but rummaging through the clearance dumpster…that’s something
I expect from Jessica Simpson. I guess next time Rihanna will need canned heat
in her heels if she’s going to beat Gaga to the good shoes.
UPDATED - Memo to Rihanna. If you're serious about making a run on 'Gaga' (and earning your Order of Imelda steak knives) then let me suggest one of footwear's best kept secrets, Gianni Barbato. Thank me later.
A
couple of weeks ago I took to Twitter to lament the loss of hipster
credentials, here’s the back-story.
On the
flight to Brisvegas (for the launch of my Jean Brown window), Imelda was jammin’ to the in-flight
radio broadcast when suddenly mah eardrums were introduced to the
musical hauteness that is Florence and the Machine.
WOW!
me thinks, as I frantically check the in-flight guide to find out who or what
Florence and the Machine are and wondering whether the entire album sounded
like Rabbit Heart (Raise it Up).
Returning
home (from the sunshine state) with my hipster credentials in the crapper, I
made haste to da information super highway whereby I discovered (and
subsequently made best friends with) Lungs.
Then
this morning while Yum Yum scrubbed down my plant-a-warts (and Imelda tried to
re-acquaint herself with all things hipster by watching indie video clips) I
caught sight of the ‘Drumming Song’.
Although
I slid out of my petty pants with excitement Imelda now felt like the Queen of
the Luddites, because not only had I not realized the Drumming Song was a single
but I had no idea there was a video clip with a killer Raphael Young shoe
cameo.
The
‘Drumming Song’ has become somewhat an anthem (in the Palace of Despotism), the
seductive tribal drum beats are ideal for clubbing Yum Yum or a round of
interruptive transcendental liturgical dance, or on a good ‘luude day, interpretive
liturgical clubbing.
With
the walls pounding (to the Drumming Song) I spun around, my fists clenched, but
Yum Yum had already ducked and rolled.
Anyhoo…I’m
kind of hoping that I’m not the last person in the world to catch on to
Florence and the Machine and that the Drumming Song inspires you to beat your
indentured house serfs into a coma.
It’s
been a morning of surprises; while I was trawling FF I stumbled across these
pictures of Daphne Guinness (and Amanda
Lepore) werqin’ Alexander McQueen's S/S10 stits.
I’ve long thought (and been
told) Guinness is the physical manifestation of the Despotic Queen and her because of her ability to werq only the fiercest stits Guinness has earned a high-ranking five
star commission in the Order of Imelda.
For sometime I’ve been meaning
to gush about Guinness (and her zealot-like commitment to giving good shoe) but
people the at The Cu(n)t have beaten me it to it with this great POST…but they
don’t offer a set complementary of steak knives, do they?
Daphne, welcome my Imeldettes have a lot to learn and your complementary steak knives are in the mail.
“Please don’t let
Gaga, RiRi or Beyonce anywhere near those McQueen shoes” tweeted the fashion elitist’s
purists during Alexander McQueen’s stellar S/S10 collection (click HERE).
Too late hos, the
deal was inked the instant the first model stepped out on to the runway (for
the final walk) to Gaga warbling, “ohhh,oh,oohhh,oh,ohhh, caught in a bad
romance”
Gaga gives twisted
shoe in EVERY video clip and with McQueen's assistance the crazy was just cranked up to 11, which is why
the Despotic Queen welcomes Lady Gaga into the Order of Imelda. Gurl, your
complementary steak knives are in the mail.
