Well Shod, Well Imformed

ONE PIECE OF HUMBLE PIE WITH A SIDEORDER OF SOURCE, PLEASE

Charlotte Olympia S/S 10 'World Exclusive'

When Imelda received her honouree (News of the World sponsored) Bachelor of Journalism, there was nothing in the handbook to advise her on what to do when you ‘eff up’ a story.

I questioned various NOTW Journo-bots and each time the reply was the same “News of the World is a reputable publication, we're NEVER wrong”. Ok methinks, if NOTW is always right and Imelda’s now in possession of a NOTW sponsored degree ipso facto Imelda’s always right.

WRONG.

While I don’t suffer from delusions of infallibility, Imelda does like to think (nay prides herself) that she gets her shiz right…9 times out of 10.

Unfortunately, during the hustle of London Fashion Week, Imelda firstly relied on and then misreported incorrect information.

It went down like this.

I caught wind of Grazia UK’s tweet that read “Charlotte Olympia shoes backstage at Mark Fast and Mary Katrantzou. You know you have made it when your shoes are next to Louboutin's”. I then received information from another source paraphrasing the Grazia tweet that I took to be confirmation of Olympia’s involvement with the Fast show.

Merging two vaguely worded tweets into a 'source', I proceeded to dip my quill into the inkpot and penned THIS POST.

Later in the week I figured sumet was askew after spotting this tweet (in the #lfw stream) “I’m screaming over the louboutin ss10 shoes featured in the mark fast show! tdf platform shootie in python”

I did question my word but the definite decision was to hold my ground.

It wasn’t until a UK based Imeldette called ‘ilovekirkwood’ posted a comment contradicting my claims that I started getting the jitters.

Then late yesterday evening I received an email from Olympia “I was sorry to hear that you were mortified by the Mark Fast shoes this season. Just thought that I would personally confirm that your sources are incorrect.” Meaning it was Christian Louboutin Imelda had beef with.

I suspect what Olympia really wanted to write was “Yo Imelda you skank ass ho. I’ll fuck you and your 3^rd World ghetto reportage up so good. If yo don’t correct yo post I’ll do more than bust a cap in yo ass. ”

What? If it was Imelda that’s how I’d reply…wouldn’t you?

However it was Imelda who was MORTIFIED and not because I’d been caught out (ok maybe just a little) but because Olympia gracious enough to write, “Let’s hope you like my spring/summer collection. I’ve attached an image (above) from my latest collection. Exclusive for you Imelda!”

Side bar – at no point during our correspondence did Olympia ask that I write this post nor did she ask Imelda to correct (which I will gladly do) or remove my previous post.

Scouring through my NOTW handbook I found nothing, so I had to wing it.

The cowardly option would have been to reword the post and aside from 'ilovekirkwood', Olympia and myself no one would have any the wiser.

I might be a lot of things (including corrupt) but a shaddy coward, Imelda is not. The only righteous act was one writing this post and two standing before you, my beloved Imedettes, for a good ole fashion whooping.

Bring forth the cat-o-nine tails!

HOMECOMING QUEEN

Well, well, well…lookie what just landed in Imelda’s lap via a handsome Brazilian reader! Spotted - my old friend Andrea Dellal (above) kicking up her heels in sunny Brazil. Mid last year I profiled her daughter and shoe designer Charlotte Dellal of Charlotte Olympia. Dellal’s been a little sheepish with the Despotic Queen since then but I only have myself to blame. Not everyone appreciates a Former First Lady (and idol to millions) jimmying open her liquor cabinet. Of course there was also the small issue of a borrowed ‘hot thong’ from Mother Dellal and Imelda’s reluctance to return the item in question. Cest la vie!

The genetically blessed (and surgery free) Mother Dellal (a former international model) was on hand in Rio de Janeiro last Friday to help Charlotte launch her footwear collection. Dellal’s collection has been stocked by luxury emporium Avec Nuance, which is located in Leblon shopping centre in the southern district of Rio de Janeiro and is one of only a handful of places Dellal’s footwear is available in the hedonistic city.

Avec Nuance threw Dellal a party to celebrate and invited the crème de la crème of Brazilian society (I assume that’s who’s in those pictures) to help their homegirl whoop it up. There was no sign of Marc Jacobs (who’s currently holidaying in Brazil and also stocked in Avec Nuance), but then Imelda thinks the oxygen thief would have had a hard time competing with Mother Dellal’s star power.

Charlotte might be the ‘darling of the celebrity set’ and her sister the indie model de jour, but take some advice from a Despot who has dysfunctional relationships with both her daughters… girls, when Mother’s primed for her comeback, step aside!

If you can steal yourself away from Mother's blinding beauty, I am a shoe blogger and here's a few styles from Charlotte's SS09 collection.

SPIDER-WOMAN

I spotted it from the moment she sassed through the door. Before she even opened her mouth I wanted to drive a nail through her head. She had a look of annoyance and was a disturbing cross between Shirley Temple and L’il Orphan Annie. Over the last 8 hours Imelda had seen enough sausage skin kids to last a lifetime, but this one was about to push me over the edge…“Next” I bellowed. Sausage Skin’s mother shot me a look, she was either trying to burn through my skull with her magical laser eyes or she was constipated.

“Imelda! that’s simply not cricket” moaned Andrew Lloyd Weber “you’re the money and the money has no say in the audition process”. Incensed (by both his comment and his plummy accent), I picked up my Hermes Kelly bag and the mink, “Find new money because ‘The Boy in the Plastic Bubble – The musical’ won’t be staged with mine”. I stormed out of the room dragging my coat behind me.

I’ll concede I was only investing in the theatre to ‘clean-up’ some money. I thought is was a more civilized alternative to Hollywood. What is it with the performing arts that attracts all these children diseased with ginger-vitis?

Trotting to the car, I detoured via the costume department. I was curious to see how far along they were with the lead’s ‘bubble’ costume. It was nice but still needed a bit of work before he’d be able to deliver a show stopping high kick. Looking around I spotted this woman quietly flicking through an archived book of press clippings.

“Who are you and what are doing?” I inquired. “Hi Imelda I’m Charlotte Dellal”. I stopped…hmmm why does that name so familiar? Reading my thoughts she said “I’m Guy’s daughter, the shoe designer Charlotte Olympia”. “Yessss”, still not convinced, “You summered next to us in Brazil last year and borrowed mother’s hot thongs”. OH! Remembering that holiday, I instinctively reached for my TASER. She’d have to fight me for those hot thongs - the feathering I could achieve with it was miraculous.

Thinking quickly I said “child get up of that floor, you’ll pick up everything but men and money! Now tell Imelda what are you doing here and how’s your line of shoes”

“I’m researching the themes for my collection. It’s entitled ‘Vaudeville’ and the Adelphi has some of the best archived press clippings outside the U.S. Eager to avoid another confrontation with the Baron I said “My security detail’s waiting outside, shall we push on?”

In the car we chatted money people talk, the crippling costs of ‘management fees’ on your off-shore accounts, smuggling human cargo across borders (naturally, Imelda had a lot of insight on this topic) and creative money management.

Pulling up outside Charlotte’s home she asked if I’d like to pop in for a cup of tea and have lookie at her collection. Intrigued to see how she’d evolved I said yes. Quickly regretting my decision when I realised she worked from home. Wanting to avoid a hot thong show down, I enquired if her mother was home and was relieved when Charlotte said she wasn’t.

While Charlotte organised her AW samples I jimmied open the drinks cabinet and severed myself a few nips of hard liquor.

Laying out the collection I was impressed by how cleverly she’d captured the theatrical sensibility of Vaudeville. The piano key pump (Shoe of the Week) screamed soft shoe shuffle and I thought the grey suede pump with horse whip trim was a subversive acknowledgement of the role of burlesque in Vaudeville. Those who know Imelda well know I go all raja zar for animal print and pony hair. But when they’re combined…would someone move the sweet Baby Jesus in his Christmas crib because Aunt Pity Pat is about to pass out with excitement!

Graduating from Cordwainers, Charlotte’s use of shape is simple, (peep toe, pump, t bar, shoe boot) but it’s her application of colour and fabric, combined with creative trims (pleating, hoops and tassels), that I admire. It’s unusual for me to be sold on a designer’s second collection - I prefer to wait, finding that the 4th time is oft the charmer. But I found this collection cohesive with an unmistakable atheistic. The crowd pleasing signature ‘island’ platform and the vertigo inducing 14cm heel both return from the Summer collection. Hand made by Italian craftsman and each shoe is finished off with the brand’s signature trademark - a gold spider web on the sole.

Her debut shoe collection was picked up by Dover Street Market in London last year, and her Autumn/Winter 2008 collection will be stocked at Browns, Net-A-Porter and Harvey Nichols. Earlier this year she was also awarded a New Generation sponsorship – it looks as though Charlotte’s web is slowly being spun and we’re all about to get caught!

Bidding Charlotte adeus, I hopped in the car and my cell rang. “Hello Imelda, it’s Valerie Bertinelli” WTF, I should never have given Paris my number! “Candy Spelling called to say that the ‘bubble’ project is going ahead without you, is that true?”. “Yes Valerie, you know these creative types love their differences, anyhoo, c’est la vie” I replied. “Would you be interested in another project?” she asked, pouncing on me like a box of Weight Watchers sweets. Before I could reply ‘HELL NO!’ she said “How do you like the sound of ‘Shattered Vows – The Musical’ ?. It’s a real skirt lifter…eh? eh?”…beep, beep, beep.