Well Shod, Well Imformed

A MIXED BAG OF S/S 10 TREATS

Over the weekend I was raging about the diabolical state of S/S10 footwear to anyone who’d listen (read house serfs) and fired off threatening correspondence to all the leading design houses ranting about how all this austerity is so unnecessary. I know, so bloshie!

I realize Imelda’s already trotted out her caustic thoughts on the aforementioned subject and that we’ve also discussed my thoughts on why now is the best time to get your indie (designer) on.

With that in mind, over the next two days I wanted to present you with a snap shot of brands that I wouldn’t normally cover with assistance from Style.com’s Candy Pratts Price and her seminal Accessories Report.

Most note-worthy was Price’s inclusion of not one, but two, of the Despotic Queen’s favourite footwear designers, The Great Dane (aka Camilla Skovgaard) and the Beloved (Nicholas Kirkwood) who is making his second appearance.

Whilst Skovgaard and Kirkwood’s inclusion isn’t the ‘great leap forward’ for independent designers, it is testament that both designers are now bonefide playa-playa’s in the US market. Holla.

What’s also interesting (and reason enough for me to start self mutilating Yum Yum again) is when you view ALL the brands grouped, just how lite on the razzle-dazzle the forthcoming season will be for my US Imeldettes.

Naturally there’s bound to be a few surprises and Imelda couldn’t have been more surprised that I took a shine to Manolo Blahnik’s (notice it’s not Blah-nik) S/S10 collection. Not one to underestimate, Blahnik appears to be making a return to form of sorts with his bull-nose slingbacks, squared-off lasts and tequila sunrise colour palette.

Unfortunately Blahnik is the only surprise with most designers mirroring the key catwalk trend for exotic skins and platforms.

ALEJANDRO INGELMO

APERLAI 

BALENCIAGA

 

BALMAIN

 

BRIAN ATWOOD

 

BRUNO FRISONI

 

CHRISTIAN LOUBOUTIN

 

JIMMY CHOO

 

LOEFFE RANDALL

 

LOEWE

 

MANOLO BLAHNIK

LOUBOUTIN GIVES BARBIE A NIP/TUCK

WWD have reported that French footwear designer Christian Louboutin is to be the latest designer to give Barbie a makeover.

According to a story filed in today’s ‘Fashion Scoops’, the Red(sole) Baron will be releasing three Louboutin Barbies ‘over the coming months’, “They’re completely wild and even come with mini Louboutin boxes for the shoes” the spokeswomen said.

Barbie, blogging thru the shame!

However, Louboutin’s spokeswomen informed WWD that The Baron was so affronted by Barbie’s elephantine ankles cankles that he simply ‘reshaped’ them, “He found her ankles were too fat,” said a Louboutin spokeswoman

The spokeswomen also revealed at least ‘one of the dolls would be released in time for the Cannes International Film Festival’.

Louboutin’s remodeling of the iconic doll has sent Eastern Euro dollybirds and fame whore poseurs into a tizz with the proposed timing of the first release. Speaking exclusively to Imelda via skype, one frozen-faced (Cannes) regular reports that she’s already undergone seasonal cosmetic procedures in preparation for “ze film festival”.

Her voice barely audible (from multiple enhancements to her duckbill) my source claims to be “devastated” by Louboutin’s move. “Why now? Does he not know iz too late for a ankle-suction, the downtime is murderous” "How can I valk ze red carpet knowing Barbie is out zere, taunting me with her thin ankles?"

Reaction to the news from social media site Twitter has been mixed;

“Seriously? Fashion people love giving others a reason to hate them” @pauperprincess,

“yeah, that beyotch needs to lose some ankle weight! And Ken. She needs to lose Ken” @wendybrandes

“I wouldn't be surprised if that were accurate... After all, she's not exactly the most in proportion model, is she?” @goaskalicia

Debate on thinsiprational sites like marykateandashley.com and tellmewhatyoudontlikeaboutyourself.com is heated as body dismorphic tweens had only recently resolved that ‘ear lobes’ are a weight loss target.

Louboutin’s aggressive product placement strategy with thinspirational celebrities like Nicole Ritchie and Lindsay Lohan means the French designer holds enormous sway with the tween set. Leaving Imelda to wonder if group ankle-suction parties are now on the menu for l’il Chloe's (Katlin, Emily, Rose) next birthday party.

THE HOTTEST OF THE HAUTE MESSES!

Still deeply traumatized by the horror of the great Vuitton massacre, I knew last night, once I’d finished watching the Blossom marathon, slumber would be beyond my reach.

Digging through the medicine chest (and by ‘chest’ I mean an ‘ahoy me matey’ Pirates of the Caribbean sized ‘chest’…) I discovered an empty vile of Propofol, shaking it like a frazzled Au Pair, I hoped to dislodge a single sweet drop of ‘sleep juice’…but nothing.

Desperate for a dreamless sleep I decided to mix myself a ‘DJ AM’ cocktail, it wouldn’t erase the memories but it would dull the pain. Sure enough, I was out for the count in record time.

But this morning as my drug induced fog lifted I could hear a shallow scratching noise. Fuck it I thought, I should never have dropped acid with LB and Lady Bird (Johnson), 40 years on and I still can’t shake the flash backs.

The scratching slowly grew into a thumping and then I remembered…Yum Yum!

Bored with the slop served up during Milan Fashion Week we resumed our game of Anne Frank 2.0 BETA. As the name of the game suggests, Yum Yum hides in the crawl space for as long as humanly possible while Imelda combs the walls of the Palace of Despotism with a sonic radar – think ‘hide n’ seek’ but with much dire consequences.

Her previous PB was 3 days and she could have gone longer had the game not been compromised by Imelda’s emergency plant-o-wart biopsy.

Shoot!

Leona (Hemsley) once told me, when she played Anne Frank with her servants, if the game went longer than a week she’d have to cajole the help back into reality by promising a pay rise. Pah! That woman was meaner than cat shit, and besides, as an illegal immigrant Accountant can’t claim a payroll tax deduction on Yum Yum’s already generous $2.42 a day salary.

Unlocking the crawl space I threw a handful of kibble into the darkness.

*Munch.munch.munch*

Finally, Yum Yum’s head darted out; blinking like a newborn marsupial she opened her eyes. To the casual onlooker she resembled an anorexic Candy Spelling voodoo doll, all buggin’ eyes and brittle hair. A little underfed (I’m hoping she can keep up the thinspiration) and covered in what looked like rickets it was still my l’il squirt kitty.

Anyhoo, the reason I mention this is today I’d planned to get all Jeffery Dahmer on Marc Jacobs, but after eight days in the crawl space Yum Yum needs a 'full Silkwood' and then my bunions need sculpting. So there’s been a change of plan.

We’re having a snap poll. Below you’ll find Imelda’s Top 10 fashion week footwear horrors.

Normally I wouldn’t come out swinging with a poll (after all this is an Imelda-cracy not a democracy) but S/S 10 was such a haute mess, I need help sortin’ the ‘gruesome’ from the ‘diabolical’…now get votin’

UPDATED

Polling has closed. 

With 56% of the total vote, Louis Vuitton has taken out the dubious honour of being the 'hottest of the haute S/S 10 messes'. Anyone surprised?

Online Surveys & Market Research

FORGET THE FATTIES...JUST LOOK AT THE SHOES!

Frockwriter is abuzz with the news that Canadian born, London based, knitwear designer Mark Fast sent plus sized models down the catwalk. Whatevs. Imelda was so mortified by Charlotte Olympia’s Christian Louboutin's uninspired collaboration, Fast could have shuffled Lolo Ferrari’s rotted corpse down the catwalk and I wouldn’t have noticed.

At Gaultier’s A/W 08/09 I had an adverse reaction to the top left silhouette and despite the amusing Wilma Flintstone beaded trims I ain’t warming to it second time around.

When London is awash (disproportionally so) with explosive talent like Chrissie Morris and Behnza Kanani, Imelda refuses to compromise her standards and accept mediocrity.

BACKWARD GOING FORWARD

It’s a quiet day in Milan, Just Cavalli was off (now on again), Emporio Armani never throws up anything of interest, Camilla isn’t collaborating with Missoni and Moschino Cheap and Chic is at 8pm. Minor distractions aside (being two days of exhaustive self indulgence) I’ve got a spare second to back track and cover off the last two days of London Fashion Week.

Summing up Giles’ A/W 09/10 collection, a message board user with the handle Miss Dalloway said, “This is one neurotic collection”. Deacon, who seems to have an ongoing problem with proportion, divided most fashion critics (and more importantly fashion fans) with his A/W 09/10 collection. Some fans pleaded that we look past the ‘theatrics’ of haggard models, busted up hair and Halloween make up and judge the collection on separates, while others like Miss Dalloway, spared the designer no mercy.

Collaborating again with the Red (soled) Baron, Christian Louboutin, Deacon’s fetishist inspired thigh high boots in suede, pony skin ankle boots and man style brogues hit on all the right trends. Deacon presented a broad spectrum of traditional winter colours including mushroom, pink, green, gold and bronze (metallic). 

OSSIE CLARK

At Ossie Clark, Avsh Alom Gur managed to successfully adapt current footwear trends while upholding the brand’s heritage. Platforms were concealed while heels were slightly shaped. Gur used suede and metallic leather but the real showstoppers were the python skin T-bars.

HOUSE OF HOLLAND

Imelda's with Kayne on this one "No comment!"

JOSH GOOT & RICHARD NICOLL

Focusing on the futuristic appeal of minimalism, Josh Goot’s collection was tight and razor sharp. There was a certain modish appeal to the Antipodean’s two toned over-the-ankle boots while his nubuck pumps had a certain Jil Sander reference.

Australian expat Nicoll’s opted out of the platform trend for almond toe ankle boots and pumps. The London based designer used a subtle palette of winter white, nude and a grayish silver patent leather.

At this stage of their careers I imagine that for both Goot and Nicoll, shoes are not their primary focus. Both designers continue to impress Imelda with the seamless transference of ideas from clothing into accessories and beg that someone step up and help them expand into the lucrative market.