After
the Despotic Queen’s flat-shoe induced fainting spell (we’ll ignore Imelda’s
suicidal dramatics and recode it a ‘fainting spell’) Yum Yum would normally
lather Imelda’s bunions in chicken fat and massage away my shattered nerves. Unfortunately
this past weekend Sydney hosted the annual Gay and Les-bean Mardi Gras and
Imelda felt that there were already enough deviants on the run that the good Lord
might smite Sydney off the face of the earth if I allowed Yum Yum’s chicklet
teeth near my trotters (of tyranny).
Instead
I snuggled up on the chaise and watched Pier Paolo Pasolini’s rom-com masterpiece,
Salo.
Pasolini’s film never fails to chase the black dog away and this morning I bounced rather
than slithered from the crypt. I’m feeling refreshed and ready to head back and
take a looksee at the last day of Milan Fashion Weak, where I note the
disappointing footwear is flowing down the catwalk a lot faster than Milanese traffic.
Is
Imelda the only one who finds it ironic that for a country famed for its mad
footwear manufacturing skillz that Milan Fashion Week (save for Prada) is where
innovation goes to die?
Of
course Imelda predicted there’d be a shift away from the crippling stits of
seasons past, yet what I failed to note was how safe designers would play it.
Aside
from the Palladium styled platforms with gum sole toe caps at Fendi and the
distorted proportions of Marni’s open waisted mary janes and pumps Milan was a
cluster fuck of heinous and recycled trends. SRSLY, Versace and Pucci (below) –can you spot the difference?
FENDI
MARNI
But
this being a major fashion week, Imelda must identify a trend – otherwise how
else will those bug-eyed mid-market knock-off merchants know what to race into
production – and ugly, whilst a satisfactory generalization of the footwear at
MFW, isn’t a trend per se.
The
two key silhouettes which stand out are the ankle strapped pump and the open
back mule. While thigh-high hooker boots dominated boot trends with 95% of houses sending multiple options down the catwalk.
JOHN RICHMOND
GUCCI
