Well Shod, Well Imformed

BAY-BAYS, MOMMY’S HOME!

While I might have taken a two (or three…) month’s break to concentrate on matters of the heart, no one else can catch literary lightening in the bottle like the Despotic Queen!

A 3-month absence might be considered cyber suicide but fuck anyone who thought HRH was yesterday’s blog.

I’ve danced with El Diablo, let him suck my wrinkled titties of tyranny dry and now it’s time for a glittering, lame winged phoenix to rise once more. Order will be brought. Fear will be installed. Chitlens will be tasered.

Mid-market footwear fuckers, you’ve just been put on notice. HRH has slipped on her rumblin’ weave, it’s about to get ugly!

MOMMY’S HOME!

But before I make like Pol Pot, I would like point out that my old adversaries at Tony Bianco thought they’d outwitted Imelda by not uploading this season’s Camilla Skovgaard knock-offs, but all da bitches know, Imelda's all-seeing, all-knowing and she certainly doesn’t need Facebook to shut you down. FYI, the acrid stench of your douchery is ubiquitous…even in hell.

It seems the absence was good for the Despotic Queen. Yesterday 3D published (above) an interview with Imelda and The Style Tyrant claiming we are the ‘fifth-best fashion bloggers in the world’.

How they arrived at the #5 will remain much like Yum Yum’s herculean tolerance for pain and degradation, one of life’s unsolved mysteries.

I would question how much paint the 3D/LURE crew huffed before penning those claims but Imelda’s answers are equally, if not more, fucked-up…and y’all know how much paint I huff. But Rupert, thank you I feel honoured.

Suave journos wheedling their way into Imelda’s favour by peppering my ego with accolades aside, to ALL mah Imeldettes who emailed asking where I’ve been, if I’m coming back, or how to apply fake-tan your prosthetic leg (for reals)...

I LOVE YOU!!!!!

This blog is and will always be for YOU, my beloved Imeldettes.

THE WORST KEPT SECRET

If you’re following Imelda on Twitter or Facebook then there’s a pretty good chance you’ve heard about my new project, The Style Tyrant. If like the Despotic Queen’s good friend, Sal McGraw from Already Pretty, you haven’t, then it’s time I bought you up to speed.

Y’all may recall last year Hausman Communications and Sony lent Imelda an Alpha 380 DSLR. The camera came with strict instructions, it was NOT to be used for up skirting or down blousing nor was I permitted to use the camera to create imagery that may be misconstrued (by the racist western media) as propaganda, so no pictures of a benevolent Despotic Queen hand picking weevils from the gruel bowls before she passes them out to her 3^rd World labour force.

I thought, sheesh that doesn’t leave me with much to photograph. However I plugged away and created some questionable imagery HERE and some Street Style HERE but it was a trip to Melbourne for MSFF where things were really cranked up a notch.

Eventually the day arrived when Sony / Hausmann snatched the camera from Imelda’s claws (‘Other people need to use it, Imelda’ was the excuse. WHATEVS!), thus putting an end to my photographic maraudings.

Or did it?

Some months later the gorgeous, albeit contrite, Correna (from Hausmann) made contact with the Palace of Despotism.

“Oh Imelda” she cooed. Her voice tainted by remorse, “we feel awful about having to call back the camera”. “Calling back!” I interjected “it was more like you ripped a bay-bay from it’s mothers lactating bosom” But I was happy she called and I quickly back peddled, “but let’s not split hairs, what can you do?”

“Sony would like to give you a camera” she replied; “I’m all ears,” I gasped.

“They loved your LMFF photography and would like to help you extend your work with an α 500. Can you come in for a meeting?”

“I’ll have to think about it” I lied before phoning up my good friend, esteemed colleague and conscience, Patty ‘Frockwriter’ Huntington.

“Ohhh Imelda” Patty replied after I explained the offer “are you not selling your soul?” Scoffing at Patty’s suggestion that I had a soul to begin with I said “maybe, but who cares!” and hung up the telephone but not before promising to send her a small child to eat.

So saddling up my horse and buggy and donning my best Easter bonnet, I swept into Hausmann brimming with ideas.

We discussed a few possibilities before I mentioned that I wanted to start a Men’s Street Style blog.

I explained that after 3 years of blogging, HRH was on the verge of developing agoraphobia and that whilst the idea of starting a second blog should see me committed, it would force me to leave the Palace of Despotism and interact with real humans.

After taking out a second mortgage (on my soul) we, as they say in big business, closed the deal.

I briefed my long-suffering friend / graphic designer, Liz Cook (from Caliba) on the new blog. “You’re shitting me?” was her initial response. “Bitch, shut your clam and design me a new banner around Imelda Matt’s spectacles” I retorted.

As with this banner, the banner Liz created for the Style Tyrant is brilliant and exactly how I envisioned it.

With all the pieces in place I now only had to wait for the camera to arrive.

Of course when it did arrive, the heavens opened and it rained three weekends straight delaying the launch til now.

My beloved Imeldettes, allow me to present the reason why I haven’t been blogging (here) with much regularity - The second coming in Street Style, The Style Tyrant.

I'M A 'STAND OUT' IN MARIE CLAIRE?

I may have been one of (if not the most) culturally significant women in Asia (I still am) yet my beloved Dente (President Marcos…may he RIP) would, when referring to my penchant for talking to the media thunder, ‘no talkie no trouble’

Well Dente’s been dead for some time and if the truth (Imelda’s version, not those diabolical mistruths spread by the racist western media) be known, even while Marcos was alive and bound to his dialysis machines (during out last days in Malacanang) I never stopped talking to media.

So when Jade Warne from Australian Marie Claire contacted the Palace of Despotism and begged to speak with HRH, I couldn’t very well say no, could I?

The result of our tete e tete was an article titled ‘Meet Fashion’s New Front Row’ (published in April Marie Claire). The feature marks the first (and not the last) time an Australian monthly fashion magazine has taken an in-depth look at the phenomenal rise of the fashion blogger.

That the Despotic Queen was only one of two Australian based bloggers (the other was Imelda’s esteemed colleague Patty ‘Frockwriter’ Huntington) quoted does give her some cause for some concern. But Imelda is known as one of the worlds greatest filibusters - I once spoke (to a US emissary) for 9-hours straight – and since blogging is one of my favourite subjects ( the others are shoes, off-shore money laundering and the trafficking of 3rd World chitlens) I talked and talked until Jade’s ears bled and then I kept on talkin’ - I had a PB to eviscerate! 

So you see, there was no time for her to talk to anyone else.

I won’t ramble on and spoil your reading pleasure except to say that both Imelda’s tits and touchstone of tyranny are quivering with excitement that they will be forever immortalized in the pages of Marie Claire.

Finally, Imelda was left agog, clutching at her pearls and yelping for Yum Yum to pass my smelling salts when I read that Amber Long (Director of Jean Brown) said that Imelda has had a tangible impact on the way she operates her business.

Long said “His radar is definitely something we tune in to when we’re sourcing new designers,” she admits. “He has a really great grasp of what’s going on internationally, and his depth of knowledge stands out from other bloggers, not only in Australia, but world-wide.”

Of all the things that have been written about Imelda this (providing someone isn’t quoted saying nicer) is what I am most proud off.

That anyone (in this instance, Long) would claim the Despotic Queen could have a tangible impact on the way they operate their business is both a burdensome and exalted honour.

And this time, Marcos (my beloved who I mourn daily) you were wrong, Imelda say's 'no talkie, no tributes'

I've posted scans (click to enlarge) after the jump or head to Marie Claire for the edited web version.

MORE GLITZY HONORS FROM GRAZIA

 

If the Despotic Queen of Shoes wasn’t black band from entering most 1^st (or 2^nd) world countries I’d be in the process of fuelling the G5 and preparing to relocate the Palace of Despotism to France, where it appears Imelda’s “Le plus pointu” is truly appreciated.

Yesterday when I received news that the tres chic editors of French Grazia (Julie Dubois your Order of Imelda steak knives are in the mail) had named HRH Imelda the DQOS one of the worlds best footwear blogs (I never tire of reading that), I threw my beret into the air and squealed “monde du”.

This isn’t the first time the daughters of France have honored Imelda last year L’ Express bestowed a similar honor. However this time it is of much greater significance, since the list also included the ‘Orders’ most trusted Field General, good friend of the Despotic Queen, my beloved Miss Glitzy.

Upon discovering that Miss G had finally been acknowledged as a ‘worlds best’ I placed an international telephone call (collect) to the First Lady of France, Carla Bruni-Sarkozy.

I implored Bruni-Sarkozy to unleash feminine wiles and convince the President of the Republic that he must take pity on a former First Lady who is also a world-renowned symbol of greed and tyranny and Southeast Asia’s most beautiful succubus by extending her an olive branch shaped like diplomatic immunity.

Once ensconced in the City of Light, HRH and Miss G would unveil operation ‘world domination’ and become footwear’s most formidable bi-lingual blogging force and perhaps, for shock value, France’s newest celebesbian coupling.

A keen student of history (who knew?) Bruni questioned Imelda’s alleged shakedown of Presidents Johnston, Nixon and Reagan. Momentarily caught off-guard, I attempted to assuage her concern by claiming that scientists have since discovered a cure for the yellow fever that afflicted the former US Presidents, adding, that at 5’8 Imelda has no desire to 'make a love party' with her husband (who is 5' 6¼).

Promising to do what she could (which in diplomic-ese translates to ‘whatevs’) Bruni-Sarkozy queffed me “bonne journée”.

DEFENDING THE FAITH

“I’d have loved to be a fly on the wall when those copycat companies saw the program” screamed Imelda’s Footwear Designer of ’08 and the designer at the center of the 'Fashion Fake' controversy, Camilla Skovgaard.

Of course, Skovgaard was referring to Wednesday night’s expose ‘Fashion Fakes’ which aired on Australia’s highest rating current affairs program Today Tonight.

The program exposed Australia’s pitiful copyright protection laws that according to Intellectual property-specialist lawyer, David Stewart, are “embarrassing” for an OECD country. Steward also noting Australia has been recognized as a “safe haven for plagiarists for quite some time”

The little known cost of these laws is that they are directly responsible for the quagmire of mediocrity that is the Australian Footwear industry. Why support (or even attempt to support) original design when the law allows such unbridled plagiarism?

Is the margin for error that slim that not ONE mid market retailer is prepared to take a chance and offer the consumer something other a cheap designer knockoff?

Until the Federal Government changes these laws, footwear brands like those named (Tony Bianco, Wittner and Siren Shoes) will continue to profit from the creative output of designers like Camilla Skovgaard, Nicholas Kirkwood, Alexanders’ Wang & McQueen, and Marc Jacobs.

However, as Stewart noted “This affects Australian fashion designers as much as it affects people overseas”

The foundations for last night’s expose were laid several months ago after Imelda revealed Tony Bianco Footwear had produced a one-for-one knock-off of Camilla Skovgaard’s signature shoe and then circulated images of international celebrities (wearing the Skovgaard original) to promote their product. (Read HERE)

Incensed that I had the audacity to call out their shady practices, Tony Bianco Footwear then ‘unleashed’ the law firm of Davies Collison Cave demanding a full retraction.

OH the irony!

True I was surprised to find myself at the center of a Despot and Goliath battle but nothing could catch this old warhorse off guard. Standing in the wings was friend to the House of Despotism, my blogging colleague and Australia’s most respected Fashion Journalist, Patty ‘Frockwriter’ Huntington.

Initially I enjoyed the wicked irony that after years off satirising (the real) Imelda’s legal woes here I was entangled in my own legal worries. However, as the emails became more dogged the irony became less amusing and my heart of darkness started beating with the rage of a 1000 hurricanes.

Their primary (and only valid) objection was my assertion that TBF had infringed Skovgaard’s copyright.

As was pointed out (and was then reiterated on TT by Stewart) unless a designer registers EVERY SINGLE design, then under the current Australian law their designs are not protected.

Stewart stated “if you're an international fashion designer based in Milan or based in Rome or based in London and you're not aware of this particular quirk to the way in which Australian law works, then you've got no basis on which to try to protect the creative output of your efforts," and therefore because Skovgaard didn’t register her design(s) one cannot claim ‘copyright infringed’ – the moral of the story, you can report a company is producing one-to-one knockoffs but not that they are infringing copyright (unless the product has been registered).

Got it?

As you would expect, Skovgaard finds the situation disheartening and after viewing the expose said she hoped Australia “will get a similar fundamental design right protection to the EU, first 3 years protection obligatory”

Here’s when things got all haute n’ hairy.

During the course of her investigation, Huntington discovered TBF were selling a second Skovgaard knockoff (the Sportsgirl and Siren knockoffs were discovered at a later date). “Quelle Horreur” fumed the Despotic Queen.

It was also discovered that despite being freely available (at retail) the original knockoff ‘Sexy Roberto’ had been removed from all the company’s consumer communications (eg website and Facebook page).

We then noted a short time after Huntington contacted Bianco representatives (I believe to obtain a response) the second shoe was mysteriously removed from the company’s official website.

Imelda asks since TBF felt it was necessary to take legal action against my allegations of ‘continued infringement’ then why remove the shoes in question from their website?

I’m confused, especially after Huntington contacted a Tony Bianco retail store and confirmed ‘Sexy Roberto’ was for sale and stock levels were plentiful. Imelda then made direct contacted with a number of independent Sydney based footwear retailers who all confirmed full sizes, runs and colourways of 'Sexy Roberto'.

With stock (and a lot of it) in stores, what plausible reason can TBF offer for removing theses shoes from the company’s website?

Is this, as the cheeky Madonna grab implied, simply a case of mid market footwear brands wanting to have “their cake and eat it”?

I’ve taken a very principled stand on the issue of designer knockoffs, a stance that poses losses both professionally and financially. In fact, when I received the first email (from Davies Collison Cave) I was told “change it” ('it' being my original post) and that if I held my ground I'd be ‘burning my bridges’.

Well, I don’t want to risk my life crossing a bridge made out of rotten planks. I’d rather just burn the fucker to the ground and start building a new one.

While the big luxury houses are armed with high priced lawyers it’s independent footwear designers who it seems are at the greatest risk so it’s time to play the ‘name and shame’ game.

What’s that you say Imelda? WAR?

YES it’s WAR and it’s to be the Despotic Queen’s greatest battle to-date, The War Against Knockoffs.

So my beloved Imeldettes, I’m introducing a new weekly post creatively titled ‘Imelda’s War Against Knockoffs’ and I need your help.

You’ll need to be alert and alarmed.

My inbox is groaning under the weight of all your ‘alert’ emails and keep ‘em coming. If you spot a suspicious looking shoe then call 1800 IMELDA, but if you can’t get through then email (editor@imelda.com.au) or TWEET me a link and let me know which designer you believe has been knocked off and I’ll unleash the full force of the Despotic Queen.

And to kick off this new weekly post what better shoes to start with than the shoes profiled on Today Tonight.

Finally, Jennine Tamm Jacob aka The Coveted left a comment that we should all take time to ponder “I think there is a bigger problem at stake here, not just fakes, but the fact that we feel we need them.”