Well Shod, Well Imformed

JIL SANDER LEAVES IMELDA FEELING FLAT

Only a fist full of men could command the Despotic Queens attention at 5am in the morning and one of them is Raf ‘you make Imelda’s secret women’s business moist’ Simons.

Donning my best penoir and house slippers, my touchstone of tyranny was quivering like a catholic schoolgirl before entering the confessional for the first time since summer camp.

Hosing off Imelda’s night creams, Yum Yum shot me a quizzical look, “What bitch?” I barked “it’s Jil Sander”

Grumpy with Yum Yum’s insolent suggestions, I took my seat and waited for the stream to start.

Around the one minute mark I was squirming, ready to slither back inside mah crypt. One by one, Simons sent an army of models clomping out onto the catwalk in flat over the ankle riding/biker boots…YES that’s right, FLAT BOOTS.

Wanna know what it feels like when some gang-bangin’ 3^rd world gutter ho pins you down, douches your cooze with rose scented acid ? Then take a look at the Jil Sander stream.

“FLAT BOOTS” Imelda roared, shaking the Palace of Despotism to its hastily constructed foundations.

“FLAT BOOTS at Jil Sander! Flats are for field hands!” I screamed again, wishing it wasn’t true. “Quelle Horrour. I wouldn’t wish flat boots on my worst enemy aka Nancy Reagan”

Rushing in with a cold compress and my smelling salts, Yum Yum tried to assuage my distress but it was too late, the damage was done.

“Why Raf, why?” I moaned one last time “you could have had it all, my love muffin, my money…ok some of my money…it was yours for the taking”. Reaching for my category one calmatives, I downed the entire bottle and waited for the sweet baby Jesus in his Christmas crib to call me home!

BAILEY YOU INGLORIOUS BASTARD!

BURBERRY

For the past two days the menswear collections have limped down the catwalk/information super highway (kudos Burberry, Prada, Dolce e Gabanna) in what could best be described as a blink-and-you’ll-miss-it type of affair. Not even a near-catastrophic seating malfunction (at Prada) could inject excitement into the comatose beast that is Milan Men’s Fashion Week!

If it wasn’t for tomorrow’s Alexander McQueen show the Despotic Queen could happily snuggle up to a bottle of Advil and wait for Paris. OK! So maybe, just maybe I've already hit the bottle, which is why I'm jumping in two days late...whateva!

Christopher Bailey’s Inglorious Bastards kicked-off MFW with a blistering collection of trench, parade, pea, blanket, double breasted, dress, double breasted chesterfield, utility, cropped military, funnel neck and aviator ‘statement coats / jackets’ that should have had even the most laissez-faire fashion punter groaning in sartorial ecstasy.

While Yum Yum wrings out my damp pantalettes and starts sewing brass button epaulettes onto ALL my sweaters, the Despotic Queen must note my continued frustration with Bailey’s insistence of only ever presenting two shoes per collection.

I’m prepared to overlook the epic haute mess that was Bailey’s shearling lined boots since the Doc Martin inspired lace-up military boots were on-the-money, especially the wood grain outer soles.

DOLCE AND GABANNA 

In stark contrast (to Burberry) Dolce e Gabanna present so many shoes the tips of Imelda’s weave ache.

This season Dominico and Stefano who celebrated their 20^th anniversary of menswear, presented a collection of gusseted round toe workmen boots and square toe lace up dress shoes in greased and distressed leathers – a pleasant juxtaposition to the velvet, heavy knits and thermal jodhpurs. The treated leather, whilst interesting, did feel uninspired with McQueen presenting a variation of this idea last season and YSL two seasons before that.

However, catching HRH’s eye was a deceptively simple round toe cleated sole hiking boot. A promising silhouette that’s been a circling trend for the past 3 seasons, Dolce e Gabanna’s clever application of tire tread (as a trim) should push this into the mainstream…or at the very least, into Imelda’s already full shoe closet.

JIL SANDER 

Raf Simons is a Demi-God. Fact.

BOTTEGA VENETA

Bottega Veneta bought into the teddy boy trend (literally) with a collection of streamlined brothel creepers in patent, croc and polished leathers.

THE MILANESE MEGA-MIX*

Gawd. I'm sorry. I hate dumping these mega mash-up posts but it appears Imelda has slipped behind.

Tomorrow we talk trends.

GUCCI

VERSACE

MARNI

JIL SANDER

*Even the title of this post is uninspired.

THE DRIVING TRENDS

It’s day two in Milan and Imelda says (aside from the bare feet) the key trend emerging from the Milanese catwalks has been the driving mocc. Gucci, Dolce and Gabbana and Jil Sander (of sorts), have all embraced a more relaxed, dolce vita approach to footwear. 

Coming a close second is the ‘Grandpa’ sandal, seen first at Undercover. 

UPADTED - Neil Barrett

RAF SIMONS SCULPTS A BRAVE NEW WORLD

This season there’s only one name you need to know - Pol Chambost. The late French born sculpteur céramiste was the inspiration behind Raf Simons’ breathtaking A/W 09/10 collection for Jil Sander.

Chambost who graduate from "l'Ecole des Arts Appliques de Paris" in 1925 chose ceramics and began to design dinner sets and dishes for Parisian department stores. After WWII he collaborated with Georges Jouve and then went on to work in Vallauris. In his later years Chambost simplified his designs and his organic shapes defined the late 1960’s.

This morning as Imelda nursed a hangover from last nights live blog with Frockwriter, Simons presented a masterful collection of organic curvilinear dresses, jackets and mini dresses that will be talked about for years to come. Simons, who is no stranger to shape applied Chambost fluid lines in the second half of his collection while he used the first half to pay homage to the clean minimal aesthetic of the house’s original owner, the enigmatic Jil Sander.

During the first half of the collection the Belgian dressed his models in primary coloured, pointed toe flats. The minimal shoe trend was first set by Sander in the late 90’s and early 00’s and during this period became part of the brand’s signature. 

Jil Sander SS01 (left) SS02 (right)

Facing down such brilliance, it’s impossible for the Despotic Queen to be incensed by Simons’ aversion to a heel. But when the heels did blow down the catwalk they hit with such force that they took Imelda’s skirt with them.

May the sweet little baby Jesus in Christmas crib look over the Despotic Queen long enough for me to lay my corrupt talons on the futurist chopine platform Simons presented in the second half of the collection.

Continuing to reference Chambost’s minimal line, Simons stripped away the noise with a collection of pointed toe pumps and one shoe bootie. In profile, the bulbous top of the heel looked like an organic extension of the shoe’s heel counter, allowing the heel to gently taper into a stiletto finish. The palate was reflective of the clothing - minimal, purple, black, nude and dove grey. I'd gleefully dine out on Yum Yum’s cancerous lung to get within 5 feet of Raf Simons’ essence.

Funny aside - all the models sported slick chignon's complete with side part, which leads Imelda's to ask, was my good friend Patty 'patchwork' Huntington the unwitting muse for Sander?