Well Shod, Well Imformed

A MIXED BAG OF S/S 10 TREATS

Over the weekend I was raging about the diabolical state of S/S10 footwear to anyone who’d listen (read house serfs) and fired off threatening correspondence to all the leading design houses ranting about how all this austerity is so unnecessary. I know, so bloshie!

I realize Imelda’s already trotted out her caustic thoughts on the aforementioned subject and that we’ve also discussed my thoughts on why now is the best time to get your indie (designer) on.

With that in mind, over the next two days I wanted to present you with a snap shot of brands that I wouldn’t normally cover with assistance from Style.com’s Candy Pratts Price and her seminal Accessories Report.

Most note-worthy was Price’s inclusion of not one, but two, of the Despotic Queen’s favourite footwear designers, The Great Dane (aka Camilla Skovgaard) and the Beloved (Nicholas Kirkwood) who is making his second appearance.

Whilst Skovgaard and Kirkwood’s inclusion isn’t the ‘great leap forward’ for independent designers, it is testament that both designers are now bonefide playa-playa’s in the US market. Holla.

What’s also interesting (and reason enough for me to start self mutilating Yum Yum again) is when you view ALL the brands grouped, just how lite on the razzle-dazzle the forthcoming season will be for my US Imeldettes.

Naturally there’s bound to be a few surprises and Imelda couldn’t have been more surprised that I took a shine to Manolo Blahnik’s (notice it’s not Blah-nik) S/S10 collection. Not one to underestimate, Blahnik appears to be making a return to form of sorts with his bull-nose slingbacks, squared-off lasts and tequila sunrise colour palette.

Unfortunately Blahnik is the only surprise with most designers mirroring the key catwalk trend for exotic skins and platforms.

ALEJANDRO INGELMO

APERLAI 

BALENCIAGA

 

BALMAIN

 

BRIAN ATWOOD

 

BRUNO FRISONI

 

CHRISTIAN LOUBOUTIN

 

JIMMY CHOO

 

LOEFFE RANDALL

 

LOEWE

 

MANOLO BLAHNIK

DESPOTS ON THE RUN...

With the arrest of Radovan Karadzic, Imelda’s phone has been running hot all week. All my boys (Robert, George, Fidel) have been phoning in seeking The Despot’s counsel. “What if the Argentineans won’t take us? What will the folks at the country club think if I’m impeached?” blah, blah, blah - it’s always the same questions.

The despotic Queens advise - get good PR representation. Look at Putin, in 8 years he’s managed to turn Russia into a pseudo communist state, clamp down on freedom of the press, obliterate free enterprise (again) and with a flash of his manly barrel chest he can liberate middle aged Muscovite women of their petty pants. That’s good PR.

Only this morning, Kim Jong-ill was whining down the phone, “Imelda I don’t think the women of North Korea want to see me topless’”. “Kim, I don’t think there’s a woman in our solar system that would care to lay her eyes on your dumpling-like body. Man up! Get yourself to the gym and lose those louche cha cha platform heels. What’s that playing in the background? Are you watching High School Musical 2 again???”

I digress. My beloved late husband and I were moderate despots who subscribed to a more moderate train of thought that taught the best way to suppress the will of the people is via crippling your country economically. All this is outlined in my case study ‘Wallstreet: Another drunk slut bound for rehab - how Dubya crippled the United States’, which can be found in chapter 3 of Imelda’s Guide to Good Despoting (which can be purchased from all bookstores of ill repute).

In this, the autumn of my life (and with so much money to spend) Imelda has no time for extremists that tarnish the reputations of other well-behaved despots (and please let’s not get me started on his unpalatable crimes against fashion). Even in exile I was able to maintain my commitment to stomach churning opulence.

Before I have Yum Yum switch off the phones here’s my last piece of advise for despots on the run - you can’t flee from the marauding masses with a suitcase full of jewellery and US government bonds in heels…before you make your exit, invest in a pair of chic flats with good traction and only change into your heels for the photo-op!

This is just a sample of what's currently on offer, there are so many similar looking styles that my eye's started to boggle at the same-sameness of them all.

WEAR YOUR HEART ON YOUR HEEL!

"This was the moment when the rise of the oceans began to slow and our planet began to heal. This is our time. Our time to turn the page on the policies of the past.” Barack Obama, 44th President of United States of America

“This was the moment” my liberty bell started ring-a-ding dinging!!! Imelda’s so excited my petty pants are about to slide right off!

The last time I was in the White House Nancy was sassing about in a Galanos gown, squawking ‘just say no, just say no’, I wish I’d ‘said no’ to her gauche prawn cocktails swimming in el’ rancho dressing. Oh, the reflux, diabolical!

I’ve got the next 7 months to fret about what shoes one should wear to the Inauguration Ball. Oivay! All this extra stress…I just know it will bring on alopecia!!! I ask, who rolls up to the White House sporting one of Tammy Faye’s hand me downs and chola eyebrows? It’s the White House, not a block party!

No! It’s best I start my preparation - here’s a small selection of evening shoes I’m thinking about - just don’t tell Michelle, she might be the First Lady in waiting but I’m still the First Lady of Footwear.

Update

President Obama, unlike the incumbent will not look so kindly on Imelda’s ‘factories’ (hell!, I'm a realist), so if anyone’s looking for a cheap investment call Imelda on cell – I’m willing to sweeten the deal with a handful of Halliburton shares. I’m off to Mumbai to check out a couple of Call Centres!

200...THOUSAND VOLTS THAT IS!

Avid Imelda readers will know that my love affair with the TASER® knows no boundaries. Whilst I tend to alternate between the cattle prod (hogging the dessert buffet at Hooters…ZAP) and the compact and purse ready TASER® - T is my first love.

When the good people at TASER® emailed Imelda to confirm my key note speech for the June 20 Annual Conference (titled ‘Tasering the Elderly’) they also let slip that they’d released a range of tasers for forward thinking fashionistas…be still my taser related heart murmur.

The C2 Taser offers the highest take down power available and according to the press release ‘Let innovative design, unparalleled performance, and breakthrough style help you make a statement. Who says safety can't be stylish?’ Who indeed!

Available in ‘red hot’ (those marketing guru’s have a sense of humor), ‘fashion pink’ and ‘leopard’ (Imelda’s pick), next time Angelina pushes to front of the adoption queue…ZAP. The lady in the video library who snatched the last copy of Steel Magnolias…ZAP! In front of Imelda and walking too slowly…ZAP! Parent of misbehaving children at my supermarket…ZAP! Muccia forgetting to invite Imelda to Prada press ‘sample sale’…ZAP!

My only conundrum is when does print-on-print stop being fashion and start being Jackie Stallone?

PS - Today I turned 200 postsxxx

THE CHOO(SEN) ONE!

Last night the Jimmy Choo party was ‘the most important event of Fashion Week’ - it was also the hardest party to get into…but Imelda did and not through the back door carrying the vol au vonts.

Dragging the mink (as only a despotic Former First Lady or Diana Ross can) I sashayed through the front door of Hemisphere and straight into the glorious Jennifer Hawkins…HELLO! YES, she is the most beautiful woman in the world (and yes I made sure I told her so). I did a double take when she landed next to me – honestly, she is that breathtaking! You can’t she her trotters but she was wearing and carrying a Choo-Choo!

Unlike Melissa ‘toot toot, beep beep’ Hoyer who was wearing Azzedine Alaia and her best ‘camp spy’ beret. The God of Shoes has decreed that for your despotic actions (Imelda argued for leniency ‘cos I liked your ‘fuck-choo’ attitude) that you’ll spend eternity in Shoe Hell aka flatties from Payless!!!

WTF is it with my ‘I’ve just smelt a fart face?’. hahahaha

(This f##king Dior knit gave me the 'hurry-curry' all day! Obviously it only photographed well on the catwalk, I look like homeless bag lady!!!!)

Other than a porn video I don’t know that much about the Kardashians, so yesterday between shows, I brushed up on all things Kardashian. Not surprisingly, Khloe is the real star of the show, so when I asked for a photograph with only her I thought Kim was going to shoot bullets out of her arse!

PS – a well-placed Imeldette told me that KK $pent up BIG at Peep Toe in Paddington! Naturally last night she was in Choo!

The only encouragement KAK needs is from you in order to have me back on her show, coz she ‘brung’ her best Betty Page pose faster than you can say ‘my tits are about to pop out of my dress’.

Romance Was Born was scheduled to show at 9pm so Imelda had to skedaddle (and leave behind my new blogging friend ipearl) by 8.30pm if I was to make it. so I missed the shoe parade – but in all fairness (to Imelda) it was due to start at 8pm!!!

Yesterday's Imeldette of the Day is Nina from www.stylesight.com it's ALL about the spats and she's rock'n a fierce pair...more on the spat next week.